[Kogami's reaction might not quite match what Gino assumes, then. He visibly flinches, expression taking on a stricken cast, as if he's just been slapped across the face.
The thing is, it's not so easy for him to just run away from their world, embrace freedom here and never look back. The very idea of settling down here, of starting over, fills him with so much guilt he recoils from it whenever he comes close to even skirting it.
His mind flashes back to what Aerith had said, back on their "date." It's hard to admit, right? That it's nicer here than it is where you're from? I've had to come to terms with it too. Everything is so much different here. I can do anything I want.
And the answer then, the closest he's ever gotten to honesty about it to himself or anyone else, had been: I can't.
Gino might not know it, but part of that is for him. It's for him, for his family, for everyone who ever gave a shit about him and was hurt when he became an Enforcer. Kogami is where he is in life because of his own choices, because he couldn't give up on Sasayama's case, and he still can't. The failure to bring Sasayama's murderer to justice is still a gnawing void in his life, and the inability to pursue it here drives him up a wall when he dwells on it too long.
No. He can't let it all come to nothing. He can't let Sasayama's death, and all the suffering that's followed, be in vain. He doesn't have the right to throw it all away now, when he didn't then.
Being content or even just peaceful, in the moment, doesn't have to be mutually exclusive with all that, but it still feels like a betrayal. He can't even accept the thought that he's been okay, that he's slowly been adjusting, as one factually true within the privacy of his own mind, much less utter the words aloud.]
...I-it's been--different.
[is all he manages to choke out before he turns abruptly on his heel, rushes forward the last few feet toward the soldiers who were watching in trepidation that a fight would break out, offering his arm to have the REGISTERED tattoo inspected before letting them know that Gino is with him, and they're headed to Maurtia Falls.
Maybe it's cowardly, but he can't face whatever the Inspector's response would be, can't face any further accusation. He's not remotely prepared to have that conversation with anyone, much less Gino.]
no subject
The thing is, it's not so easy for him to just run away from their world, embrace freedom here and never look back. The very idea of settling down here, of starting over, fills him with so much guilt he recoils from it whenever he comes close to even skirting it.
His mind flashes back to what Aerith had said, back on their "date." It's hard to admit, right? That it's nicer here than it is where you're from? I've had to come to terms with it too. Everything is so much different here. I can do anything I want.
And the answer then, the closest he's ever gotten to honesty about it to himself or anyone else, had been: I can't.
Gino might not know it, but part of that is for him. It's for him, for his family, for everyone who ever gave a shit about him and was hurt when he became an Enforcer. Kogami is where he is in life because of his own choices, because he couldn't give up on Sasayama's case, and he still can't. The failure to bring Sasayama's murderer to justice is still a gnawing void in his life, and the inability to pursue it here drives him up a wall when he dwells on it too long.
No. He can't let it all come to nothing. He can't let Sasayama's death, and all the suffering that's followed, be in vain. He doesn't have the right to throw it all away now, when he didn't then.
Being content or even just peaceful, in the moment, doesn't have to be mutually exclusive with all that, but it still feels like a betrayal. He can't even accept the thought that he's been okay, that he's slowly been adjusting, as one factually true within the privacy of his own mind, much less utter the words aloud.]
...I-it's been--different.
[is all he manages to choke out before he turns abruptly on his heel, rushes forward the last few feet toward the soldiers who were watching in trepidation that a fight would break out, offering his arm to have the REGISTERED tattoo inspected before letting them know that Gino is with him, and they're headed to Maurtia Falls.
Maybe it's cowardly, but he can't face whatever the Inspector's response would be, can't face any further accusation. He's not remotely prepared to have that conversation with anyone, much less Gino.]