Matthew did not plan to fall in love with Noah. It wasn't really until old Ronan moved out that he realized how deep he was into this thing, how well he thought they fit together, how many days he wanted to give Noah, how easily he could picture a future with him as long as the weren't separated.
And then, you know.
Now, Noah represents a very grown up life lesson for him: it doesn't always matter how much you love someone or how hard you are willing to try, sometimes things don't work out. Sometimes all you can do is try to get used to that, while holding your feelings very carefully so they don't tip over and spill out in the wrong place. This is absolutely not a lesson Matthew Lynch ever wanted to learn, or was prepared to learn, but given a choice he would not trade away the time they spent as boyfriends to avoid it because those are some of his most precious and meaningful memories.
He can't really imagine himself ever dating anyone else, not only because his heart is still very, very full of love for Noah but also because in hindsight he think maybe their ever being together at all was an actual God-ordained miracle. (Matthew believes in those.) He's never been interested in anyone else and as far as he can tell Noah is the first and only person who ever saw him as more than what Ronan dreamed him to be: a little brother to be looked after. And then Noah promptly dumped him for not being grown up, womp womp.
The foundation of their relationship is still there: Matthew still wants very much to be a part of Noah's after-life, to have fun with him, to be there for him, to listen to his funny ideas and make this boy--who once told Matthew that he is sad all the time--smile and laugh as much as possible until Noah has to move on. But he's still coming to terms with the fact that for Noah, Matthew was one brief chapter, and for Matthew, Noah is the whole story and that story does not have a "they lived happily ever after" ending.
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And then, you know.
Now, Noah represents a very grown up life lesson for him: it doesn't always matter how much you love someone or how hard you are willing to try, sometimes things don't work out. Sometimes all you can do is try to get used to that, while holding your feelings very carefully so they don't tip over and spill out in the wrong place. This is absolutely not a lesson Matthew Lynch ever wanted to learn, or was prepared to learn, but given a choice he would not trade away the time they spent as boyfriends to avoid it because those are some of his most precious and meaningful memories.
He can't really imagine himself ever dating anyone else, not only because his heart is still very, very full of love for Noah but also because in hindsight he think maybe their ever being together at all was an actual God-ordained miracle. (Matthew believes in those.) He's never been interested in anyone else and as far as he can tell Noah is the first and only person who ever saw him as more than what Ronan dreamed him to be: a little brother to be looked after. And then Noah promptly dumped him for not being grown up, womp womp.
The foundation of their relationship is still there: Matthew still wants very much to be a part of Noah's after-life, to have fun with him, to be there for him, to listen to his funny ideas and make this boy--who once told Matthew that he is sad all the time--smile and laugh as much as possible until Noah has to move on. But he's still coming to terms with the fact that for Noah, Matthew was one brief chapter, and for Matthew, Noah is the whole story and that story does not have a "they lived happily ever after" ending.