I am in some ways but I'm not in others. ... it's hard. I like all the people who have made friends with me and take care of me, I'm actually growing up after being stuck in time for 7 years, my mom is here, I'm dating a guy who likes spending time with me and who I like spending time with, and I have a horse. I also have a superpower that lets me be really good at something, which gives me a lot of pride. My life is pretty good.
At the same time... I'm aware that I'm not where I should be a lot, and I miss Dad, Gene and Louise. It's like something's missing without them being here, and I hate feeling that way because it also feels just a little bit like that's saying everyone I've befriended here doesn't matter just because they're not related to me- and like I'm saying Mom being here isn't enough. I'm also afraid that if they DO get here, they won't recognize me and won't love the person I've become. Which is stupid, becase Mom doesn't treat me any differently, and it's not like I'm not still recognizable.
And I've had my eyes opened to a lot of things that can't be taken back. I had to face the fact that the boy I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with might not have been so great at all, for one. That was hard, and I still feel like an idiot for not seeing it and not being able to fully let go of him yet. Now that I'm growing up and may be stuck here, I have to start thinking about my future and what I want to do with my life. And there was all that stuff that happened in January...
But overall? I am happy. Things are different here, but that's not a bad thing, and I've seen and met so many people I never would have otherwise. I think that balances out all the bad stuff.
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At the same time... I'm aware that I'm not where I should be a lot, and I miss Dad, Gene and Louise. It's like something's missing without them being here, and I hate feeling that way because it also feels just a little bit like that's saying everyone I've befriended here doesn't matter just because they're not related to me- and like I'm saying Mom being here isn't enough. I'm also afraid that if they DO get here, they won't recognize me and won't love the person I've become. Which is stupid, becase Mom doesn't treat me any differently, and it's not like I'm not still recognizable.
And I've had my eyes opened to a lot of things that can't be taken back. I had to face the fact that the boy I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with might not have been so great at all, for one. That was hard, and I still feel like an idiot for not seeing it and not being able to fully let go of him yet. Now that I'm growing up and may be stuck here, I have to start thinking about my future and what I want to do with my life. And there was all that stuff that happened in January...
But overall? I am happy. Things are different here, but that's not a bad thing, and I've seen and met so many people I never would have otherwise. I think that balances out all the bad stuff.