Well, who would?

[ Yep, confirm this girl for w e i r d. Not all that surprising. ]

Tell that to Riverdale after Jughead turned Halloween into an even worse "night of the living" march than finals week. [ Everything is always Jughead's fault, yes. Anyway, there's no way to say it in a way that doesn't sound absurd. ] And believe me, I wouldn't make this kind of thing up.