Even drunk, Wangji can recognize a question he can't answer. His eyes slide away, his head tilting miserably to one side to look out the window.

He didn't have the words to explain even to himself, let alone to someone else. His brother had understood without him truly needing to voice it. And he'd never voiced it since.

"Should have been there," he mumbles after a long moment of silence makes it look like he wouldn't reply at all. "From the start."