aww yeah it's question meme time

[hackitude]

Time to bring back one of my old faves...

the QUESTION meme

Simple and easy! Here's how it goes:

1. POST a top-level with your character name

2. REPLY to other people's top-level with a question for that character

3. ANSWER the question you were asked

4. ASK a question of that person's characters in return!

We go back and forth like this asking questions in a thread until one or both of us runs out of questions!

QUESTIONS CAN BE ANYTHING. Serious or silly as you want! What does Jane think of (x)? What does Sarah have for breakfast? How many times a day does Alex masturbate? What's Tom's dream job? The only limit for questions is your imagination.

Replies can be as monosyllabic or as tl;dr are you want; it's up to you. Go wild kids!

Comments

[lyingheart]

ANYONE SHE HASN'T KILLED is this a real question or not it's its own little meandering

Hahahaha the fact she's got people around her who know what she's done and who handle or ignore it to various degrees is a struggle. hell, in the cases where it's being ignored, she's uneasy? she doesn't feel like it was a bid for forgiveness, since all but a handful of the people here will never have it personally effect them, but it was about forcing some accountability out there, and maybe acceptance down the line. she really, really could not have anyone she would connect to past a superficial level without that being known between them, and it's still present to the extent that she'll tell people who were not here at the time about herself in order to give them that chance to end associations and be entirely justified as to why. because she is defensive on a level of trying to save herself from connecting to people who are (rightly) going to cut ties knowing what she's capable of, regardless of her intent or tendencies in behavior in this world.

so she's dealt with people who use what she's said as a way of inflicting emotional hurt over physical, she's had the threats to her physical well being (Lunatic has been the big source of that, Levi is Levi forever as far as she's aware), she's had people who are curious because they want to understand better for whatever end of their own, she's faced the question of why and had it be one she can never adequately answer partly because I don't have the canon for that but eh, she's had people become rightfully standoffish and mistrustful. After all, she doesn't attempt to give a context to what happened, and she won't - she calls herself a murderer and leaves it at that. (I think the only person she's given a full accounting of what she's done to is Wally, actually, and even that was couched as Do you think I could ever call this self defense?)

Consequently, it's... actually made her work toward being able to help the world over hurting it, and partly because people like Wally West and Tony Stark have consistently pointed out that you need to make the decisions to be a better person and stick to them. It's not all because influences are positive, either; Lunatic threatening to kill people for his form of justice is as much a factor in cementing that actions as insane as that can't be supported, and there should be accountability, but not Lunatic's form of accountability. The ongoing way she'd been butting heads with Inumuta had been part of that, too - she wanted people to be angry and uncomfortable, and he was both, and still is, even if they're talking again. It's not something easy to take in, and being sporadically called a mass murderer on network is both annoying and a reminder that it's only a perspective shift and the relative peace here that prevents her from walking that path for anyone's sake. Even her own.

About the one thing it's made easier, amusingly, is connecting to the people who know. A few people she handles more carefully for their insistence on sticking by her (Minako, Kay), not for a lack of thinking people are allowed to make their own decisions, but the way in which they said they'd stick by her and Reiner and Bertholdt. Shiinjiro is one of the people in the inbetween category, because it isn't anything really discussed or stated either way, and so she puts him in the "may or may not be accepting at face value" region, along with others reacting in a similarly under...stated? Way. The ones who didn't go with full out claims of friendship, etc. Then after that she has the category of people who told her or made it known this is something they've been struggling with, like Wally, or Artemis, Kanaya, Inumuta, or even Light, and now Ken Kaneki, who aren't people outside of her general peer group, but more within those young adult years. Jayden is in a different sort of "he doesn't understand aspects of the world that I'd prefer he never learns first hand" group, and then those who don't know... like John Mandrake, are in another group of her figuring out when to tell them. Which is probably more kind than how she let everyone else know all at once, since she does this one on one.

Her reactions to adults past those years is different, because those people responded differently, and she has a sort of - different way of relating to people who overall reacted more as Adults than anything else. Regardless of when it was a positive or negative reaction, it was more freeing? Because these are the people who are established personalities. Young adults (teens) are still adapting and forming; they're less steady to rely on, in her experience, but also something of a concern, because they're the people shes more inclined to bond with closely because of their relative ages. Her bonds to older adults (I laugh, since that's anyone in their twenties and beyond) are all across the board for different reasons, and have been made stronger since her confession based on their reactions, and she appreciates them with a grain of salt toward differences in ages and experience. Really, the way she feels about them is different from her peer group, and the kind of respect she has for people like Miranda (gone), Thundercracker (...gone), Tony Stark, Will Graham, Shepard, Senketsu (EVEN IF HE IS ONE YEAR OLD HE GOES UP HERE), John Watson... you get the general idea of the whos (Knock Out, Bumblebee, the list goes on) is one that can also accept they know and have seen and witnessed terrible things, but that you can endure and make out of those things something less terrible. There's good that comes out of the world, not just the chaos and lack of clarity. They have the experience in their lives to say this, and it's more than her sixteen years can give her, and she knows that lack of perspective is helped by hearing from those (minus Senketsu, his is a different experience) people who have it.

Internally, past what I'm rambling on about above, it's shifted her compass from spinning around at a loss for what the hell to do - there's no flow in this world that mirrors back home, no easiest pathway of least resistance that she can fall into, other than extreme ignorance, and she can't stomach that - to focusing on "moving forward" and whatever that means. Also finally allowing herself to consider friendship as an actual possibility, of connecting with people on a more than professional level. Which is also scary as hell. By the by. Starting with Bertholdt and Reiner and then being tentatively open past that, with people who both state they're her friends, and people who have shown more of the struggle over what she'd confessed, and who she felt had every right to walk away. Hell, Wally saying he'd still be willing to be friends, because isn't what she trying to do now is live a better life and not cause terrible things for people made her cry in happy relief which freaked him out at the time BUT THIS IS PROGRESS!

She does feel more free in a sense of relief for having it out. Boy does she care, she cares so much about it that she'll keep picking at that with each new person she gets closer to in order to give them the same panorama of a very specific portion of her past, before she'll really let herself get any closer.

It's pretty hideous, but she is trying to be held accountable... and trying to drive people off at the same time. It's easier to be hated. You have like, zero expectations to fail when someone has decided to have nothing to do with you.

DOES THIS ANSWER THIngs sobs