etcelsior | TL;DR cr meme

The doctor will see you now, Ken.

This might rub Crane's ego in just the right way but in one word: terrifying. Crane terrifies Ken, not because Crane himself could or would do anything to him, but because of the role he played in Ken's decision-making. That is, he pulled out all the thoughts and self-doubts that were swirling around in Ken's head and put them into words, giving them a shape and form that they didn't have before -- like Shadows. Crane doesn't appear in any of Ken's dreams because dreams aren't as frightening as reality but because so, Ken remembers his words in the appropriate moments and he should be proud of himself to know that he's doing a stellar job of eating away at Ken's confidence even as he's starting to heal. He's like a cavity. He eats at healthy enamel and you can't undo it; you can try to prevent it from spreading, but if you let your guard down it'll act up again. The only way to get rid of it is to carve it out and put in a filling, but the left over tooth will never be whole again and will always be more brittle than it used to be.

... I just went to the dentist today it was on my mind.

BABY BRO let's do this

So Ken adores the heck out of Jaime. He doesn't know what it's like to really have one, but he thinks that if he had any siblings, he would definitely want someone like Jaime to be his brother. Right now he thinks he's really, really lucky to have him as a friend, and Ken's one of those kids who'll never take someone's companionship for granted. Jaime's going to be feeling his appreciation all day everyday.

Jaime started out as the FEELINGS guy. Their first conversation and he smacked Ken in the face with a limp fish named "Solutions for People Who Aren't Ken and Shinji," but instead of making him feel awkward and ashamed of it Jaime took his hand and tugged him under the wind of friendship. Ken actually doesn't know that Jaime had to hear the story from Minato, so he's convinced that he knew from the beginning and was nice to him anyway. Which isn't too inaccurate, but the misunderstanding has given him extra points. He's one of the kindest people Ken knows but god. He's so softhearted. What the heck. Ken can't believe it sometimes, but it comforts him a lot and he knows he'll go back to it over and over because wow can Jaime hug him all the time?

He's yet to know about the Blue Beetle thing or anything about Jaime's powers here. Actually, he's come to notice that he knows practically nothing about him, and while that bothers him a little it does little to change how Ken feels about him. The biggest difference is that Jaime is still counted in Ken's mind as someone who leads the sort of lifestyle that SEES is fighting to protect. Superhero or not he has a lot of things that Ken knows he doesn't have, but rather than been envious of it he just wants him to be able to keep it, and he'd do anything it takes to protect that. He would love to play video games at the guy's house and go over for dinner on some days and go to those fairs and to hang out with him on the road trip and be friends.

As long as their time here lasts, at least. Jaime's the one who told him that people go back to the exact time that they arrived from, and that to Ken means that the moment he's permanently ported out from this world, that's death to the 'Ken Amada' that exists here. He'll go back, he'll be in that alley and he'll be hungry and Minato assured him that he's still SEES and that he's needed, but to him, that Ken that'll only know Iwatodai is a totally separate entity. It's him, but it's not him and it hurts to think about how he can't take memories of this world and his friends along, and Jaime makes up a pretty big part of that. When his mom died he lost everything but his memories of her, but now that he has all this stuff that he's picked up here -- just like a katamari; he loves that game -- he's got no choice but to lose it all over, and this time he won't even get to keep the memories. And that sucks, and he hates it. He hates the Ken that'll forget Jaime, and he's yet to reach that point where he understands that all things end but that the end doesn't devalue what's currently there. Right now he's just afraid of losing what he finally gained because he finally found something again! Something that's not just destructive anger and hatred! So when Ken inevitably falls asleep during the long car ride during their trip and Jaime's sitting next to him you can bet that he'll be clinging to his shirt in his sleep sometimes because he's so, so attached in way more than the literal sense.

Yo o/

House dad. Mom? A parental 2-in-1 tbh.

Ken's everyday life back home is screwed up enough that Charlie being an 80-year-old wizard doesn't really surprise him, but then again their roommate is a 7 foot giant with horns and a torso as wide as Ken is long so maybe that's a given. Charlie's surprisingly ordinary compared to almost everybody else Ken's met, but he appreciates that. It was nice to have someone offer to go look for parks with Koro on the first day and ask about leashes and Charlie probably gets thrown questions from across the living room sometimes while Ken's reading for his homework and something comes up that he's confused about. You can't really ask the Iron Bull about American history.

Charlie was the first non-SEES guy Ken talked to so barring castmates, he's the person Ken's known the longest here. And he's glad he stuck around because it's really, really nice to tumble back into Nonah #005 and be able to call out an "I'm home" and that if Charlie's home, he'll get a response back. It's nice to be able to call it home at all! But the fact that there's a guy there that's been there since day one adds to that. The two of them and Bull've shuffled through roommates a few times now and Ken's been jittery about all the newer people who end up there, so the fact that Charlie's been a constant companion around here is way more reassuring than Ken will admit in words. But he does appreciate him a lot and he really likes him. Ken's come to really like all the friends he's gained here, and Charlie's pretty high up on the list of things he wishes he could keep with him.

case in point of my randomly falling asleep: CAN'T COMMENT TO THE RIGHT THREAD

LOL JACK I love you anyway.

He had an interesting start with Tadashi because they talked on the network, then he learned about Hiro's dead brother, then he met Tadashi in person and realized who he is. Wow, awkward. But Ken's long since moved on from viewing Tadashi with just that understanding -- he's not just "Hiro's brother" now, but a very important friend to Ken, too. His empathy with Hiro's situation is just the whipped cream and cherry, although no true sundae is complete without them. Tadashi's a member of one of Ken's two 'home's here in the imPort towns, and he's a big piece of the world he's started to build around himself again. He has no idea what a real brother is like, at least not in the sense of knowing what it's like to have one, but he knows Tadashi is a really good one for Hiro and he's cemented himself as a really important person to him. He likes that he's kind. He likes that he's inclusive. And he's so touched that Tadashi's letting him come along on this roadtrip.

Ken's pretty protective of Tadashi, but in an indirect way. He's really protective of anybody he likes, but Tadashi especially is because Ken cannot bear to stand aside if Hiro might lose his family again. That pain is the worst, and Ken's terrified of Hiro having to go through it again and that grows more and more every day that he sees them because how do you go through that a second time? He tries to quash it as much as he can but if he lets his guard down he's sure he'll start projecting onto the two of them and he really, really wants to avoid that, just as much as he tries to ignore how envious he is. He's happy that Tadashi can be here for his brother but every time he sees them together, he misses his mother more. He's aware of that feeling but not of how deep it runs, and it's the sort of emotion where if the right buttons are pressed enough times it'll take form like a Shadow and claw its way out of him.

There's no real danger of that though and Ken is genuinely happy for Tadashi to get this chance! He doesn't intend to bring it up (directly) ever that he knows about his death. He assumes that if Tadashi knows he knows, then that's that. If Tadashi doesn't, then it doesn't matter? His decision to do what he can to support the brothers is his own and it won't be swayed by anything, and if he's ever in the vicinity when Tadashi's in a pinch there will definitely be a small spear-swinging child coming down to protect him no matter what risk it puts his own life in. It's what it means now to be someone Ken likes, and Tadashi with his gentle nature and big smiles and friendly hugs is definitely on that list. Ken's lost his world once before, and he's convinced that he's destined to lose it again when the time to leave this world comes, since Jaime told him that there's no discovered way yet for anybody to bring things from this world back to their own. And he hates that, because it sucks that he'll have to lose everything again? So he's been trying to ignore the hell out of that so instead he's going to heed Magicman's advice and cut down (practically) anything that could chip at his world while he's in this one, and like I said, Tadashi is a big, big piece of this.

gets in line!!

Kasumi-san Kasumi-san Kasumi-san.

I never got the chance to write it but Ken's first impression of her was that it's a pretty name. She's not overly sweet but she's also very kind, and she had his interest with the little bit of information she gave him about her world. He's not exactly a space nerd, but like he told her, he's more on the side of believing in the possibility of extraterrestrial life. And believing in that and her confirmation that there's a world in which that exists... when he thinks too much about it (he overthinks everything), it's a pretty nice confirmation to have. Ken's not good at keeping sight of the options, choices, and possibilities that he has, so it's words like these that he clings to when he can. That, and Kasumi's his friend now, or at least he tries to think she is and she was receptive of him when he called her over that day so he thinks he's safe to assume it. He hates assuming things though.

That said, Kasumi, like all people Ken's come to connect with here, is an irreplaceable part of Ken's world now. This is a big deal for him because he was convinced he had nothing up until his arrival here and he's already seen a few people come and go, and under his own roof, too, because he Charlie and Bull have gone through a few roommates at Nonah #005 already. In any other situation that'll be fine; he's used to slash resigned to the fact that he'll lose people and that he's powerless to stop things from happening so with people he's not attached to, he can detach himself even more from then once they're gone. But he's already attached? With Charlie and Bull and SEES and all his friends -- and with Kasumi, too. He's already attached and it's like a jigsaw puzzle, so once he loses a piece he'll never have it complete. Kasumi happens to be one of those puzzles and it's probably good that he doesn't know about the role she played in her old world yet because he'd be very, very afraid of her disappearing in that case even if he isn't aware of that fear yet.

But fears aside, he likes her. Talking to her is like talking to Fuuka or Yukari and he'd like to go out to town with her sometime to discuss more cheerful topics that won't ruin ice cream or meals for them.

WOW THIRD TRY'S THE CHARM YOU CAN TELL I'M ON A PHONE

YOU DID YOUR BEST

Ken's relationship with Magicman isn't exactly recent, but their closer involvement with each other definitely is. He doesn't have any personal attachment to the guy, but that doesn't make him any less important than everybody else. Magicman is a friend of his friends and someone he's known since his early days in the imPort towns. And to Ken, whose life so far has been loss after loss after things he never had to begin with, that's quite significant. He knows there's no permanence to anything he manages to grasp -- to him, having anything is like holding water in his hands -- but his first talk with Magicman shed a light onto him that he had lost sight of before: He can fight for the things he wants to keep.

There's no fighting the entire universe. If he gets Ported out, there's probably nothing he can do about it. He'll return to that night in the alleyway with one dead Shinjiro and an empty stomach and nothing else. When his mom died he was able to hold on to her memories, at least, but when he loses this world he'll lose even the memories. He won't even know that he's missing anything, as far as he knows. And while that hurts and makes him feel as powerless as he had felt on the night of Shinjiro's death, the idea that he could fight to protect his world while he's here is something that had more impact than Ken even realizes. The last time he fought, he sparred with Hisoka in the woods without a care for what happened. If Hisoka ended up killing him that day, that might have been a relief, and he was convinced that his existence was merely a destructive one. Now, Magicman's opened his eyes to the option of protecting.

He and Magicman are totally different in their morals. Ken's always been about balance and fairness, and his world was black and white in that until very recently. It would have never occurred to him to think, "I'd do anything to protect what's important to me" with 'anything' including putting other people at risk. And Ken realizes that Magicman's attitude is an inherently selfish one, but he doesn't associate that with 'good' or 'bad.' That's a choice Magicman made, where he valued his immediate world over the good of the entire world. And that's quite new and refreshing, too. It's new and refreshing and thrilling and frightening. But the idea of being able to put his foot down on something like that is inspiring to a kid who's lacking in direction. You've handed him a dangerous knife, dude.

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hypnotherapy - 2015-06-10 00:27 (UTC) - Expand

there's not much to go on yet but whatever thoughts he has pls

I won't lie Kotetsu pissed him off pretty badly the first time they officially spoke.

He's sure Kotetsu's a good guy. In fact, he's sure he knows it. Kotetsu has a good head on his shoulders and good morals and he's a good guy. Probably a superhero back home if the suit means anything. And Ken knows that, so he has respect for him there and he really wants to apologize for being rude to him.

But it pissed him off because Kotetsu told him 'it'll be okay' and a lot of people do, but how do they really know? Who's Kotetsu to tell him anything? His friend tried to commit the same crime? Then a shame on that friend! Ken knows there was nothing 'okay' about what happened or what he did, and that hasn't changed in him even after he agreed to try forgiving himself, so it rubbed him in just the worst way that Kotetsu thought he could try to reassure him about something he has no way of understanding. With the others, it was more bearable because SEES knows where Ken comes from, but it didn't help that Kotetsu was a virtual stranger and also an adult. Adults had only ever disappointed Ken before. It's been an unfortunate mess of circumstances, basically, but Ken doesn't want to just leave it at that even if his avoidant nature is coming through and he would very much like to hide away from Kotetsu forever too.

First impressions?

Ideal girl tbh.

That's to say, so far she's totally the sort of person he would love to be. She's been polite. She's been mature. She was calm despite how weird his dreamworld was and she was also nice. She reminds him of Mitsuru in a way, but that only increases his respect for her a bit more because Ken really likes Mitsuru, too.

That said, he's REALLY REALLY EMBARRASSED that she ended up in his dreamscape because holy crap that thing was a ride. She saw his deepest secrets (ie his hatred of green peppers and soon his love of super sentai) and he cannot believe it. Gosh! But she isn't making fun of him for it or treating him like a kid as a result so he appreciates that, really. She would gladly be friends with her.

Yes I'm ready now... AND THEN I'LL RETURN THE FAVOR

oh god ARE YOU READY FOR THIS

First it has to be established that while Ken does unknowingly look to Minato with brotherly fondness, unlike with Jaime, Ken has spent no time imagining what it would be like to have a brother like Minato. That's not because he wouldn't want him to be, but because he has no need for a brother like Minato if he'll already have Minato himself and he wouldn't give up this friendship with him for anything. (And this point we'll get back to.) That difference is mostly because he knows of Jaime as someone's older brother, but he doesn't know the younger sibling in question. He's also different from Tadashi where he knows and is friends with Hiro, and the fact that Tadashi is a lost brother means Ken is protective of those brothers' relationship and will not dare to have any thoughts that make him cross the line. Ken and Minato are both only childs so he has none of that association, and he also already has a special name for his relationship with him. Minato is a teammate and a leader, and for Ken who's finally starting to see SEES as something he belonged in -- it's only been a couple weeks since he started consistently calling Iwatodai 'home' rather than 'the world I came from' -- that's something way more special and irreplaceable than a simple friendship because it comes with the unspoken promise of understanding. They're not just his teammates, but people who know that he isn't crazy for being able to see the Dark Hour. And Minato is not only the person who leads, but also the one who explicitly and physically welcomed him (back) into the circle with all those hugs and the lent headphones. Ken will never want a brother like Minato; he wants this one. He wants to keep this relationship.

Minato had probably saved Ken in a lot of ways. He's not unaware of it; in fact, he absolutely craves this sort of acceptance so Minato's been doing great on that front. Ken's so keenly aware of how much everybody has reached out to him that it hurts, but instead of wallowing in the guilt of "I don't deserve this" that he plagued himself with, he's trying to roll with it and accept it until maybe it starts to feel natural. Ken's still at an impressionable age and while Minato might not be the best choice for a normalcy role model (god), he's definitely looking to him because he knows Minato's not perfect. He used to be like Akihiko, really. They're older, stronger, smarter, unflappable, but while Ken's disillusionment of Akihiko's grandeur is caused by Ken's changing perception (he can't quite agree with the guy's headstrong-ness yet because he doesn't understand it, and he thinks it's too flawed), Minato's brought down from the pedestal of "strong, invincible leader" because he's shared some of his vulnerabilities with Ken. He and his oddities have a way of saying "it's okay" that Ken's self-aware enough to realize he really, really needed. There's a way to have fun with this guy while also knowing that Minato will rely on him if they have to in battle. What I'm trying to say is, having time to sit down and get to know Minato without the stress of Strega and the Dark Hour is helping Ken grow through something he was supposed to have a lot more of at this age: consistent positive interaction with somebody he likes. It's easier to accept being a kid and not being as stupid-strong as Minato "I can use like a gazillion Personas and do anything" Arisato or Akihiko "I punch Shadows with my FISTS" Sanada when the most significant thing in your everyday life isn't life-or-death battles and adults trying to kill you.

And this strangely peaceful lifestyle here in MOM is addicting. Ken's a kid, so sometimes his thought processes and worldviews can be simple, but he is smart and he's seen a lot and most of all, he overthinks. A. Lot. You let Ken's mind loose and it'll think so hard and fast and out of control it can climb Tartarus all on its own, and one conclusion it's reached during his time here is that the 'Ken Amada' that arrived in MOM is a separate entity from the 'Ken Amada' of Iwatodai. He doesn't know about the theory of multiple verses or Schrödinger's Cat, but he heard from Jaime early on that so far, you can't take back anything to your home world. You'll return to the moment you were taken from, and that's that. For Ken, that means returning to the alleyway on October 6, hungry and alone. Minato assured him that he's still a part of SEES in the future, but that's not really a positive thing anymore. He likes his life here. He likes that he has friends and that he and Shinjiro are trying now. He likes that he doesn't have to cry in his room over horrible blisters and pains from Mudo attacks after everyone's gone to bed. He likes that Minato spends time with him, and getting to know him, and he finally has things to call his own now. He doesn't have to fill his emptiness with anger or hatred anymore because he has so much, and Minato started this chain of dominos with the armband he pinned to his sleeve that first meeting. He just gets inexplicably happy being around Leader so Minato will be able to glance over at him when they're just sitting together and find him smiling to himself sometimes. He adores the guy like no other and he's definitely his favorite person here, and he wants to spend more time with him and get to know him more, and he doesn't view it as a debt but he really wants to return some of that kindness he received from him while here!

All that said, Ken's also growing to be incredibly possessive of Minato here. Not against anybody else he's meeting here, but against himself -- that is, the 'Ken Amada' that's back in Iwatodai, who as far as Ken is concerned is the one who'll get to 'live on.' He was too down in the dumps to care at first, but with how precious and dear everything he's gained in MOM is to Ken, the idea of losing all of it if he gets returned to Iwatodai is unbearable. He's especially attached to this relationship with Minato because he's the one he sees the most, and that'll only get stronger once he realizes that he is dead. He's already full of the desire to protect him and emotionally invested in Hiro being able to save Tadashi's life -- learning that not only will he fail at saving him, but that he's already failed, will be crushing and probably fuel the deep envy he's feeling toward himself. He's so jealous. He really wants to stay and he wants everybody to stay, but he also knows that a lot of people -- himself included! -- have duties and worlds they have to get back to, so he's torn on that because he associates returning with the death of who he is now, and like he's said multiple times now, he doesn't want to die at all. Really all he wants is to stick close to his friends, learn about music so he could talk about it more with Leader, take Koromaru on walks, have more parties... have a shot at this 'normal' life that he and Minato have missed out on? And he's absolutely possessive and protective of that. Magicman told him that he would do anything to be with the people he wants to be with, and while he realized that as a selfish way of thinking and it actually chilled him, it resonates a lot with where Ken is now, and it clung to him in the way everything did when he was so vulnerable right after his attempt to die. What if he could do anything to hold on to what he has now, because his future in this world -- whether or not he'll even be able to stay here -- is unpredictable at best, and he really doesn't want to give Minato up to the Ken he left back home.

god this is overkill sorry your friends are never without issues Minato
once a vengeful shota forever a vengeful shota

Returning the castmate favor before I forget

so about your not actually dead sort-of-son

Didi?

Death is interesting, to Ken, because ever since the first time he saw her he's felt an overwhelming lack of fear toward her. Most people say they're scared of death, and Ken's been told he's good at survival. He fights to protect people from Shadows, and he fights to keep them from killing him. He hates that death took his mother, and he really, really wants to live. But he's not afraid of it, and he's not afraid of her. It's curious to him that he was able to meet her and she turned out to be such a gentle person. Death always had a violent impression on him, but she's nothing of the sort.

And he's curious about her. He's very attracted to her and what she stands for, and he finds her a friendly presence. A lot of Ken's thoughts center around death in one way or another, so that's probably why; not all his thoughts are negative, either, so she's no threat to him.

Otherwise, she's just nice. She has never coddled him but she was never cruel, either. She came to visit Minato when he was small and she talked to him and that was that. She talked to Ken when he ended up in the dreamscape and while their interactions are never outright positive, they're not negative, and those might as well be positive for a kid like Ken. All in all, he thinks he likes her.

TL;DR cr meme

Ken and Cass!

Ken!

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Cass!

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Re: Ken and Cass!

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