etcelsior | THE UNOFFICIAL NPC CREATION MEME

NAME: Shelter Boss
LOCATION:At Heropa's Animal Shelter
PERSONALITY: Ever seen those kind, middle-aged cat ladies who will non-ironically wear sweaters with kittens imprinted on them? That's Carl's Shelter Boss, a very nice woman who happens to sort of used Carl to promote the shelter due to his kind nature and his rather heartthrob looks. He hates it but takes it in stride.
APPEARANCE: Middle-aged, grey haired, and slightly overweight white woman with an affinity to cats. She really likes to wear those sweaters even in the summer, it's crazy.
OTHER: She was forcibly removed from her job during the Seminar plot and was replaced by an underling who happened to be a Russian mole. Carl thinks she was killed for her job, but in reality she's hiding in her house and taking care of her seven cats. She's been so terrified of the Russians that she can't go out shopping to feed her cats, which led her to try do some illegal poaching to feed herself and her cats. So far, she's done a good hash at it!

Edited 2016-02-21 04:41 (UTC)

NAME: Jocelyn Jamison AKA JJ AKA the producer of The Pink Princess AKA Maya's poor, poor boss
LOCATION: Heropa, Florida. Unfortunately for her. She hates Florida, and actually lives outside of Heropa, but she works there. Mostly? She can be found exasperatedly following Maya around during work, or exasperatedly leading Maya to meetings, or drinking far too much coffee.
PERSONALITY: Easily stressed due to a past of being let down as well as her mother having died a journalist overseas, novice producer and out transwoman Jocelyn Jamison comes fully equipped with a ton of anxiety and an iron will. She might be constantly stressed out, but she's (almost) unstoppable! Sort of. She's working on it. But apart from that, she's very responsible and sweet and a bit shy. She likes to take pictures for hashtagram, but not of herself. She does, however, like substituting herself in selfies with a picture of whatever S-bux cup and botched name she's gotten that day.
APPEARANCE: Here she is, my tall, easily frazzled Jewish Filipino baby.
OTHER: She's very business oriented and likes to remind herself that no matter how bad things get fucked up, imports mean money, and the Pink Princess staying funded means she keeps her job.
...Also she really does care about the imPorts she works with (Maya and Komasan, so far) but she's not really the type to express it traditionally.

Edited 2016-02-21 05:43 (UTC)

NAME: Officer Revyak
LOCATION: Maurtia Falls police department. Heiji's current partner.
PERSONALITY: He met her way back last year before the department's purge as a trustworthy officer, and when he got hired on she became his mentor. She thinks he gets himself into too much trouble and would rather they play it safe instead of taking on the entirety of MF's seedy underbelly.
APPEARANCE: Probably something like this.
OTHER: She's forever exasperated by her young partner and tries to reel him in from just going after cases without warning. She's very particular about following the rules because so many have been broken in the running of the city, and is perfectly happy sitting and doing paperwork as much as she can herself so she can be sure it is finished and filed properly.

She's got an entire wall at home dedicated to one of those thumb tack and string maps. Attaching cases and suspicious activity together with gangs and high ranked officers and political figures. Something she could probably get fired for if she ever actually shows anyone. Even her partner's never seen it.

NAME: Daisuke and Kiri
LOCATION: Udon-ya Taka, an Udon shop tucked away in Nonah.
PERSONALITY:
Daisuke - Cheerful and friendly, too energetic for his age and always has a story to tell about when he was young. It's usually exaggerated and sometimes bent for the sake of the person it's being told to. Was apparently an athlete in his younger days, and always tried to impress a younger Kiri.
Kiri - Daisuke's wife. Calm and collective, yet sassy when she needs to be. She tends to correct Daisuke on his wild stories. She likes to visit with customers and get to know them, and remembers what their favourite kind of udon is from the first visit. Seems to take her husband's wild antics in stride, and still finds him just as lovable and charming as when they first met.
APPEARANCE: Daisuke and Kiri
OTHER:
-Udon-ya Taka is found behind a very diguised door in a lesser traveled part of Nonah, with a set of stairs that leads down into what looks like a tavern at first, but has been refurbished. The traffic isn't heavy, but steady with loyal customers. It's not easily found, which makes it like a hidden gem in Nonah.

-Daisuke has a secret menu of his own creations, which are secret for a reason.

-Kaneda visits them quite frequently, as he found the place while wandering Nonah to get to know its backroads. They see him like an adopted son, and often like it when he brings his friends in--they get the instant family treatment.

NAME: Joe Kittler (and his three sons)
LOCATION: Maurtia Falls - owner of Kittler & Sons Salvage, a large junkyard on the south side of town.
PERSONALITY: Joe's getting on in years, but he's a tough old goat. He inherited the junkyard from his father after working there for most of his teen and adult years, but over the last decade or so he'd gotten arthritic, disillusioned, and lax in managing the place. As a result, it turned into more of a dump than a real salvage yard, full of trash and hazardous materials, and a frequent hangout for gangs and/or homeless people. Last August, though, some imPort with goofy hair showed up and half-convinced, half-blackmailed him into turning the place around. Since then he's gotten some of his spark back, and the salvage yard is finally making its way out of the red.
APPEARANCE: Caucasian, white hair, average height, kind of scraggy. Makes an attempt at "clean-shaven", but never quite gets there.
OTHER: Kittler & Sons is one of Qubit's primary sources for parts. They initially resented him nosing into their business, but over time they've gradually come around, and he's the one they call for help if, say, a drugged-up psychic teenager is smashing up the place or something.

NAME: Ted (aka "Tedward")
LOCATION: Mid-level scientist at Starrware
PERSONALITY: He's the guy in the office that nobody likes but nobody can seem to get rid of. He's decent at his job, but he has a grating voice, bad timing, and questionable (but only almost offensive) taste in jokes. Also, he burns popcorn in the office microwave at least twice a week. Everybody knows, but he refuses to fess up to it. Tone-deaf but loves karaoke. People tolerate him, but he rarely gets invited to parties.
APPEARANCE: Caucasian, mid-30s, black hair. Has a bland, unremarkable face.
OTHER: Qubit quietly hates him.

Edited 2016-02-21 05:28 (UTC)

Junkyard!!!

Gosh, would you mind if I referenced this sometime? I'd been meaning to look up/ask if someone else had brought one into play already, and Kittler & Sons sounds amazing.

Absolutely, go for it! ~~Also opportunity for CR yes good~~

Wonderful, thank you! ~~A reason to visit Maurtia Falls and a reason to meet Qubit in person? I WILL TAKE IT.~~

Oh man I think I remember you saying you had a junkyard in Maurtia Falls that I often referenced in my tags for garbage diving.

GLAD TO SEE ITS GOT AN ACUTAL NAME AND OWNER NOW I hope you don't mind me using.

Whatchu talkin bout it's always had a name and owner :p

ANYWAY YEAH GO AHEAD gotta have all sorts of teenage delinquents at the junkyard obvsly

JUNKYARD!! I remember this, yesssss

so tetsuo what do you think of a little community service. it's only fair innit

He's on probation, he should be made to, tbh

He'll also hate it with a firey passion

okay but consider

crushing junked cars into little cubes

okay but you said it was community service

that sounds like fun

community service can't be fun, it's forced labor
There's no way that's community service

more like fun labor amirite

he's game

NAME: Floyd
LOCATION: The TV studio. He works on UnderSTANding Stuff.
PERSONALITY: He is the saddest, most put upon man. He tries so hard in everything he does and just wants to be liked. Or at the very least not actively hated. Please save this man from the Pines.
OTHER: He made one mistake once (eating Stan's donut) and the poor man has been paying for it ever since. He does not deserve this in any way.

NAME: The Most Dedicated Pizza Man, Chad
LOCATION: Works at Slice n Dice, the only pizza place that will deliver to Pines anymore.
PERSONALITY: Just the best. He is the best, most dedicated pizza guy in the world, and the Pines literally chant his name every time he comes up the driveway or wherever they happen to be. Because that's how cool Chad is. He delivers anywhere, including to the swamp that one time.
APPEARANCE: You know what a Chad looks like.
OTHER: Chad thinks that the Pines are a little weird but he feels strangely inspired when they chant his name, so he'll ignore the 10 mile radius for them anytime.

CHAD CHAD CHAD CHAD

holy shit chad is a pizza hero

NAME: Vanessa McInnis
LOCATION: Nonah Arcade (Player Select) that Tetsuo works at
PERSONALITY: No-nonsense, professional, and incredibly sassy/with an attitude a mile long. She's a true sort of badass normal hero - brave, willing to risk danger to herself to stand up to ImPorts as needed,but also willing to help out when called, no matter how much she doesn't want to do it. She'll charge a favor or five if it's too much, but she'll do it. Armed with just her wits, a broom, and a close to insane amount of courage, she's single-handedly ensured that the arcade runs smoothly enough to stay in business and do well despite it employing Tetsuo.

Vanessa has also shown a ridiculous amount of compassion underneath her sassy nature; she'll go all out for a friend, and always tries to make the best of a bad situation. She's the kind of person who'll go to the ends of the earth for a friend, doesn't discriminate or care where you're from as long as you act with respect, and is a formidable enemy to make by force of personality alone. SHe's got that kind of take-charge nature that makes her a natural authority figure, a down-to-earth sensibility that means she doesn't take anything from anyone and refuses to be ignored or overrun.

Her motto and life mission is whatever it is or whatever she's got to work with, she'll make it work OR ELSE.

This woman works a minimum wage job running a madhouse with a proverbial pet tiger and makes it all work anyway. Give her a raise or a better job, already.

APPEARANCE: Courtesy of Luc African-American, huge hair.

OTHER: First appearance in MoM - I initially created her as a narrative framing device to show just how bad Tetsuo really was for and to the arcade he works at/to showcase part of his life I kept mentioning but not quite displaying. She spiraled into her own thing very quickly, with multiple people championing her and referencing her in threads and handwaved CR until she genuinely felt like this gestalt creation that we all owned.

Please feel free to know her or mention her if you like.

this is mostly from the Kipper saga to anybody who's been following along, but

NAME: Fernando "Fernoodle" and Penny.
LOCATION: Ken's classmates at Nonah Middle School
PERSONALITY:
They both only appeared as cameos or references in one thread each but Penny is an adorable redhaired girl who came often to Ken's soccer games and caught the attention of one (1) redhead enthusiast Dipper Pines last summer/fall. She has since then asked for Dipper's number and received it but developments on that are unknown because Dipper got caught up in the mystery of Ken's secret (made-up) boyfriend. Whoops. Softcore weeb, a Pink Princess fan for sure though and uses Ken to send Maya Fey fanletters and tweets through Ken's account.

And then there is FERNOODLE who is the Magician to Ken's Persona life. He's a classmate as well as a teammate on the NMS soccer team and he's basically Gravity Falls' Mermando. That Dipper and Kaneda mistook for aforementioned made-up boyfriend (that's a really long story except not really). He thinks he's totally smooth and has long hair he likes to tie back and uses greetings like "peace (out)," which he aggressively used on Ken before the kid finally accepted it as a thing he does. Very friendly, likes hugs, and snapchats about Ken and Koromaru a lot because he thinks the dog is soooo cooooool. He always poses for the camera like this. Did I mention he thinks he's totally smooth.

APPEARANCE/OTHER
click for image and trivia!

Edited 2016-02-21 06:25 (UTC)

Oh my god Fernoodle is exactly the kind of guy Dipper and Kaneda would suspect was Ken's boyfriend.

ALSO THE POSE FOR THE CAMERA PIC IM CRYING

He likes dubbed anime tho..............

Edited 2016-02-21 06:27 (UTC)

I think Fernoodle is my favorite creation all month ngl. I'm so glad that fake boyfriend has a face now

I HAVE A FRIEND WHO DOES IT AND IT KILLS ME EVERY TIME BECAUSE HE'S LIKE. A DJ. so i had to make the 12 year old do it. he has such shitty tastes, the anime he watches is like adultswim stuff too.

dubbed Nuroto

NAME: Oscar.
LOCATION: At the Heropa Garage!
PERSONALITY: Oscar is a very gruff man, and to any passer-bys, seems downright unwelcoming. That's just on the surface, however; he takes good care of his own, and shows his worry and love mostly through demands... like demanding Jaime attend trade school to sharpen up his mechanic's skills, and making sure he got through high school. He values education and the nurturing of young minds, and not doing damn stupid things to cars. He's got a temper if you cross him, but contrary to his appearance, it doesn't rear its head unless something really awful is happening.
APPEARANCE: He's of an average height with a shaved head and a potbelly. He's often got some scruff on his face, and his expressions don't have a lot of variety to them. You'll know he's amused when his lips start to twitch.
OTHER: He's currently contemplating a discount for imPorts based on Jaime's idea -- which is to say, imPorts' rides are always getting damaged. Think of the money!

NAME: Roman
LOCATION: At the Heropa Garage!
PERSONALITY: Roman pretty much hates everything and everyone. ImPorts? Overrated. Everyone else? Annoying. TV? Full of shit. His job? Monotonous. He doesn't complain a whole lot, but whenever he opens his mouth, nothing good comes out. He probably likes something, but nobody's discovered it yet.
APPEARANCE: He's extremely tall and skinny, with a full beard and an affinity for caps. He has two sleeves of tattoos, and can usually be seen with a frown and a book in his hand. His ears are technically pierced with gauges, but he's taken them out, leaving loose flaps hanging.
OTHER: He's surprisingly good with numbers and handles much of the garage's finances.

NAME: Professor Li
LOCATION: Heropa's Trade School; teaching mechanics!
PERSONALITY: Professor Li is an excitable woman with a great enthusiasm for everything to do with mechanics and loves teaching young minds what's what! She's got a sharp temper, however, and comes down hard on anyone who's too lazy to do the work. When she's not talking about class, she's typically busy talking about her wife - who races - or her pet snake.
APPEARANCE: Professor Li is a short woman with a buzzcut and a brilliant blue tattoo covering her upper arm and collarbone. She's compact and in great shape, though she often hides it behind loose, comfortable clothing.
OTHER: She's very interested in art! Maybe this will come up in one of Will and Jaime's next projects...

NAME: The Blue Beetle Fanclub
LOCATION: In senior homes and community centres across the city!
PERSONALITY: They're a bunch of old ladies who are fans of that nice young man who's been going around talking to all the gangs. They like to knit Blue Beetle themed hats and scarves, and bake up a storm. They've commissioned Will Graham to make them T-shirts, and pinch the cheeks of every kid who makes their way into their club.

Most of them also have an old lady hard-on for Will Graham. Rowr. Look at dat ass.
APPEARANCE: They're a bunch of old ladies.
OTHER: Trace and Kels came up with these ones! I TAKE NO CREDIT.

NAME: Constanza Fuentes
LOCATION: Heropa's local Mexican grocery store
PERSONALITY: Constanza is a warm, welcoming woman who's always absolutely honest and says everything that's on her mind. She mostly speaks Spanish, though she still speaks enough English to get by. More than that, she's a young grandmother and absolutely adores kids. Every imPort kid that crosses her path is fussed over (it concerns her that few of them are brought in with parents) and she's always sneaking them extra food from the hot food section, sweets and treats. She's also very, very loud and quick to hug people. Watch out!
APPEARANCE: She's a Mexican woman who's got a few extra pounds around her middle, bespectacled, and always has her hair pulled back into a ponytail or a bun. She dresses plainly, but she's always equipped with a huge smile and arms that give out bone-crushing hugs.
OTHER: She still wants to adopt Ken Amada.

Edited 2016-02-21 09:14 (UTC)

NAME: Angela Varela
LOCATION: VaVaVoom Entertainment in Atlantic City, NJ
PERSONALITY: A former prostitute and savvy entrepreneur, Angela worked her way up from the streets and expanded into the legitimate entertainment business. She owns a string of nightclubs and strip joints from Boston to Baltimore, all of them serving up that sweet Blue Sky meth to patrons and dancers alike. Angela herself is overly fond of Jesse's product, and her meth addiction makes itself known in her erratic behavior and bad temper. She's been in and out of jail for numerous assaults, DUIs, and property damage, but when it comes to running a successful club, she knows what she's doing.
APPEARANCE: Paz de la Huerta
OTHER: Everyone in the tri-state underground knows Angela and no one wants to get on her bad side, lest they find themselves shut out of the Northeast party scene entirely.

NAME: Joey Morello
LOCATION: A.S.A.P. Trucking Inc. in Wilkes-Barre, PA
PERSONALITY: The head of Jesse's distribution network, Joey's a hardworking (but not unfriendly) dude who likes to keep things running smoothly. His primary concern is numbers - as in, dollars and timetables - and he's happy as long as those numbers are looking good. Where shady businessmen are concerned, Joey's the kind of guy everyone likes to work with. He's reliable and careful, having avoided any kind of police investigation in the twenty years he's been smuggling product, and he would never break under pressure. His reputation as a stand up guy is far too important to him, and he's confident in his ability to cover up the evidence when the feds come sniffing around.
APPEARANCE: Brent Sexton
OTHER: Joey could have easily been a con man in another life. He has the kind of face that sells any lie, and when he's pulling a prank or joking around, people fall for it every time.

NAME: Reggie Malone
LOCATION: Atlanta, GA
PERSONALITY: Acting as a liaison between gangs and drug distributors like Jesse, Reggie's specialty is negotiating business deals and seeing that money and product find their way into the right hands. He's a laid-back smooth-talker, naturally charismatic and easy to get along with. Reggie is the kind of person who can make the impossible happen - which in this case often means keeping rivals from tearing each other apart in turf wars. He's been smart to control his ambition and keep from threatening any leaders in the community who might take offense, thus he's survived long enough in this dangerous business to become regarded a well-respected elder. Reggie is welcome in almost every circle, a diplomat of sorts.
APPEARANCE: Danny Glover
OTHER: Reggie's sphere of influence extends beyond the gangs and into the police department. Because of his value as a peacekeeper on the streets, he's allowed to walk free in many situations where a lesser man would find himself prosecuted.

NAME: The nice old couple that runs the watch repair shop where the Doctor works. since I probably need a name for them, how about the Laupers because that makes the shop name even more dumb/I can actually remember that.
LOCATION: Maurtia Falls
PERSONALITY: your stereotypical nice old couple.
APPEARANCE: just picture your grandparents.
OTHER: they manage to get the Doctor to show up to work by the sheer power of niceness and letting him cut off from work if needed as long as he takes the shop on days when Mrs. Lauper's knees are acting up.

also, for Dorian, there's various people in Maurtia Falls who he had a one night stand with before Toby showed up, a few English majors who are buying Dorian drinks in exchange for him to go all Oscar Wilde on them and help them out with their thesis, a couple of drug dealers, and an art forger or two. sure they've got names, but Dorian sure as hell doesn't remember them so aw yeeeeeah, I don't have to fill this out (the perks of playing someone so utterly lazy). There's also Elsa & Dorian's boss but imma leave that one up to Jess if she wants (but the poor man is probably driven to drink on a regular basis).

so what you're saying is that the odds are pretty good that Hazel's managed to convince them she's actually the Doctor's real granddaughter during the brief visits she makes to drop off shit he forgets at home

HELL YEAH THE ODDS ARE PRETTY GOOD

the Doctor just gives up and eventually decides to roll with it. by the tenth time she brings him his lunch, they're doing things like expecting the Doctor to go all granddad and just tell us how Hazel is doing now, is she still with that boy, it's getting cold outside she's got a proper jacket right?

OH NO THAT'S TOO CUTE

truly this is the greatest test of his undercover abilities ever fashioned. especially when they ask what she wants for her birthday and he doesn't even know the date.

that's when he go bugs Josuke or Saint Walker because like hell Hazel's gonna actually tell him herself.

and then everyone realizes she hasn't told them either, and things just get kind of awkward.

house intervention: just tell us when your fucking birthday is, Hazel

YOU'LL DRAG IT OUT OF HER WHEN SHE'S TRIPLE DEAD AND NO SOONER

IS THAT A CHALLENGE, BECAUSE HE WILL OUTLAST YOU, YOU DUMB ALIEN

SHE'S GONE AN ENTIRE YEAR WITHOUT TELLING HER BOYFRIEND, YOU HAVE NO CHANCE YOU GERIATRIC COOT

ADDENDUM: MITTENS.

fat old diabetic cat that hangs out in the watch shop. The Laupers spoil him to bits and Mittens knows it. He's got to be given medicine on the hour and nine times out of ten the Doctor's the one to do it cause of Mrs. Lauper's knees. as such, there's the blood feud to end all blood feuds between the Doctor & Mittens, fuck you cat, this is why he's a dog person. has a remarkable tendency to knock over whatever the Doctor's working on.

NAME: Starlight Lavender. This is not her real name, but not only does Hazel not know her actual name, she suspects that Star doesn't either. Will also introduce herself as Lavender Starlight depending on whether she's feeling more in tune with the heavens or the earth that day.

LOCATION: She runs a store in Maurtia Falls whose name is lost to time, assuming it ever had one to begin with.

PERSONALITY:

Lavender is a former hippie who fell really hard into New Age bullshit after the Age of Aquarius started to ebb. She's incredibly strung out thanks to decades of hard (and questionable) drug use, and seems to sort of float through life in her own private bubble that has no real interaction with reality. She often seems completely unaware of the passage of time and operates on the assumption that a lot of things are exactly the way they were in the 60s/70s, especially when it comes to money.

She is aggressively nice, however, and actually has a decent memory for faces and people's tastes. She's quite stubborn in her own way and it's almost impossible to get her to change her mind once she's decided something, even if it's blatantly incorrect. Once you get her rolling on a subject it's kind of difficult to get her to stop chattering, but she has the sort of voice that makes for a nice white noise background once you learn to tune out the nonsense.

Despite slowly getting up there in age, she's still got this wide-eyed awe and wonder with regard to the world. Star has sort of manufactured her own explanation for what imPorts are, but she thinks they're astounding all the same and certainly isn't in the "distrustful native" camp at all. In fact, she's actually pretty nurturing in her own way. She's also very energetic, even if most of the things she ends up doing aren't productive in the least and often sit half-completed for all eternity when she wanders off.

APPEARANCE: ~~God, I wish I had an actual picture of her.~~

Lavender is a white lady in her late fifties/early sixties with looong hair that has gone completely gray; it's usually worn in a big braid that practically hits the ground, but when she's feeling especially connected with the universe she'll wear it down. She doesn't have many wrinkles but they're very deep ones, all in places that imply they've come from a lot of smiling and laughing.

She has deep green eyes which are very striking, not in the least of which because they seem to be unfocused and gazing off at some unseen vision a solid 2/3 of the time. Lav's actually on the taller side of things, probably somewhere in the 5'9"-11" range, and while she's willowy has a really unsettlingly strong grip. Her wardrobe is firmly locked in the past, and she favors billowing long skirts and dresses and pretty much anything that'll make dramatic swoops when she moves. Her color sense is abysmal and she loves bright patterns and gaudy bangles.

OTHER:

Lavender's shop is in a part of Maurtia Falls that was once pretty respectable but over the years fell into seediness and general unsavoriness; she's pretty clearly been here before that started and kind of had the neighborhood change around her as she failed to notice the difference. The store is the sort of place where from the outside it's not entirely clear if it's actually in use or not - there's just piles and piles of completely unrelated junk in the window, everything is dusty, and she frequently forgets to turn the sign to OPEN when she unlocks the door or vice versa.

That said, she's never had a break-in. Starlight's become a sort of benign fixture in the neighborhood, and one that the majority of the community refuses to tolerate any violence towards. Hazel's pretty certain that she's either squatting in that building or that it's been condemned for years and the police have simply turned a blind eye, but she can't prove that for certain.

Inside, the shop feels even more like you're stepping into some weird magical realm. The things for sale are just this huge New Age jumble - everything from clothes to crystals to Ouja boards to books about communicating with seraphim and reading auras and everything in between. There's no rhyme or reason to the way things are stocked, and often there'll just be an open box sitting on the floor like she started to stock things and got distracted and never came back. Good luck finding the price tag on anything.

The flyers taped to the counter are all advertising events that occurred in the 70s and 80s, but Lav doesn't really seem to be aware that they've been over for decades. There is always a cat hanging around somewhere, often in a place that threaten to send a mountain of crap cascading down on any unwary passersby if the kitty makes one wrong (or right, from the cat's perspective) move. Starlight is absolutely convinced that it's the same cat every day and will vehemently argue with anyone who tries to point out that it really obviously changes from week to week. Hazel's positive that the stray cats of the area just cycle through and take turns being doted on by her.

She thinks that Hazel is an elemental spirit and refers to her constantly as "sweet Hazel", two things which Hazel has kind of given up trying to reason out of her. There's a 98% chance that Hazel is her only customer, and as such she feels weirdly responsible for her; she drops in pretty frequently even when she's not looking to buy anything to do things like make sure the incense heaters aren't overheating or change the lightbulbs or make sure the cat(s) don't need to be taken to the vet.

For all her foibles, Lavender has this uncanny knack for finding really cute occult-themed clothes that Hazel's never seen anywhere else. She's started setting aside things she thinks Hazel'll like now, usually in little cardboard boxes covered in smiley faces; if you see her wearing something spooky and adorable, chances are she got it from Star.

Since April's coming up soon, Hazel is going to feel obligated to try and do this woman's taxes. There may be casualties.

NAME: Jules Joel Jefferson
LOCATION: Heropa, the offices of a small gaming magazine.
PERSONALITY: HOUOUJI! Get in here and explain how I'm supposed to print this?! Next time don't waste printer ink, just cover the page in glitter and sign it with a unicorn! You think the public wants to read about how much you liked something? Your job is CRITIC, so how about you CRITICIZE! The next review you write, I'd better feel like I need an antacid at the end of it.
APPEARANCE: Open vest. Crew cut. Hopes the greying hair makes him look "distinguished." Usually chewing on a pen.
OTHER: One day Fuu will hand him a review that he'd enjoy printing, but not until she doesn't have government-guaranteed job security.

NAME: "Kennibals"
LOCATION: Online!

OTHER: On December 22nd Kaneki received from a BlueTube user called "INOALLURSECRETS" a box of pink, brain-shaped candies. This was the start of something beautiful. Or terrible. Whichever. Kaneki came to discover that this user belongs to a group of online fans of the resident cannibal and they call themselves the "Kennibals". But these are mostly high-school girls (we hope) or at least people whose web designing is NOT their passion; they have a website clearly created with the help of those free website builders and looks very much like something out of geocities. It has top quality music including Ke$ha's "Cannibal" or Fifth harmony's "I'm in love with a monster" and sections of the website include:

Information - what they know of Kaneki and ghouls which isn't much and most of it is wrong. Spoiler: they think Kaneki is 15.
Photos - of Kaneki. Most of the time it's just him working, his latter art, etc.
Videos - they don't know how to put videos on their website so it's basically links to BlueTube videos of imPorts and Kaneki happens to be there. Usually during Swear-Ins.
Photomanipulations - of Kaneki with flower crowns on his head, but also memes and captions.
Fanart - in which they usually include their self-inserts and mary sues.
Latte art - they have a section just for this too.
Cuisine - yeah... they try to come up with recipes for ghoul food. Don't read this.

LOOK I REALLY WANTED TO USE THE NAME KENNIBALS AND THIS HAPPENED.

Edited 2016-02-23 23:01 (UTC)

okay but how many do shitty cosplay of his battle suit

CRIES FOREVER

SO MANY. SO MANY IT'S SICK.

i bet sometimes he receives print outs of fanfics in the mail

with covers like this

the urge to cry everytime...

NAME: Francis' Fanciers/The Urquhearts
LOCATION: Various locations, visible on the inter webs.
PERSONALITY: Varied, from teens discovering fantasising about Older Men and declaring how Weird and Special this makes them, to Old Ladies Who Aren't Dead Yet and have to remind the world of this, to everyone else, who thinks he's just interesting and maybe hot. Maybe.
APPEARANCE: Varied.
OTHER: Francis is actually pretty… hands off about these people. For one, they're mostly visible on the Internet and while Francis knows how to work the various apps and sites… it's still honestly a little intimidating. Shh.

For another, the women who were not his wife that he slept with in the last few years have all been killed. By him. And his wife killed him, so honestly, romance and lust are a little overwhelming. His drive isn't what it used to be.

But, of course, he does think they could be useful, so he throws them a bone every once and a while, keeps away from the real crazies (he hopes) and responds to every physical letter he receives (because that at least is something he's used to).

THE UNOFFICIAL NPC CREATION MEME

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THROWS SELF IN HERE IGNORING HOMEWORK

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