HE TOLD ME SEVERAL TIMES THAT HE DIDN'T LIKE MY KIND

[maskormods]

TEST DRIVE MEME

Considering apping into MASK OR MENACE? Want to dip your toes into the setting and get a feel of whether your character will fit into it? Or maybe you're just cruising and want to play around? Then you've come to the right place!

Pick any of the following scenarios below or feel free to make up your own, but don't be afraid to throw yourself at someone else's thread, either!

And remember to have fun!

01. The city of Heropa is what one might expect from a small, bright and cheery place, where locals are friendly enough and local shop owners might offer a free drink to welcome you to their fair city. Some of the locals might thank you for always lending your service to the nation and others might not say anything. In fact, some people might back away from any imPort who quite obviously looks like they aren't from around the neighborhood. Once in a while there's a look of disdain on someone's face and hushed voices.

An upset, deeply masculine voice wonders aloud: "More of them, when we already know they can't protect us? That's just painting a bigger target on the city's back!"

"That's just what Ronald Chump says!" Exclaims a young woman. She raises her fist in anger at the imPort-hating individual. "We're not going to tolerate bigots here!"

02. De Chima, Virginia, is a large city with a healthy economy, and though it's quieter, there are just as many citizens awed at your presence. Science and technology are the lifeblood of this city, so you're likely to come across a good many locals taking your picture with the newest of devices. Be forewarned: since FanPort happened, imPort fandom is at a new height. Don't be surprised if people start following you just to see if you'll do anything TMZ-worthy.

The trick is to stay calm, and don't wig out if someone asks what you think about imPort shipping.

03. Maurtia Falls, Pennsylvania, is having a rainy day. The streets seem to be running with water, the sky can't seem to stop crying. You might want to check out some consumerism-inclined shelter, be that a smoky and dart-eyed bar full of grumbling locals, or a grimy and industrial coffee shop (full of grumbling locals). Watch your step, newly minted imPort, because if you let on that you're fresh meat then you're likely to attract a posse of two or three sharp knuckled no-good-dooers. This is the criminally exciting part of town, so beware.

04. Nonah, North Carolina, is the liveliest of all cities; loud, busy and there's some kind of energy in the air that gets everyone buzzing with excitement. There's a baseball game going on in one of the parks amidst all those tall buildings, and you're welcome to watch! It's not an official game in the season, it's more like a friendly skirmish between local baseball teams. Midway through the game, the umpire might take note of you new imPorts -- assuming you're standing out in the crowd. He'll welcome you to throw a pitch if you'd like! Of course, the opposing team isn't too keen on the idea. Better look for more imPorts to play ball!

Comments

[dendarii]

[ Miles, meanwhile, is surprisingly quiet in turn. Listening mentally rather than broadcasting for once in his life. He doesn't stir until Gregor finally says something. ]

... Yes. I see her too, even. So if you're crazy, so am I.

[vorbarra]

[ With just Miles here, Gregor feels free to rub at his eyes with both hands, attempting to steady himself. ]

I don't have a link with her. I suppose that makes sense. I-- God. You're not supposed to be strangers with your mother.

[ Some element of wavering despair at that, long-held, Gregor as a lifelong orphan. But it has a new spark to it: uncertain hope, too afraid to be more than a distant glimmer. ]

[dendarii]

[ Miles glances towards the door that must now surely be shut between Kareen and the two of them. Only after he's confirmed that does he dare to reach out for Gregor, to slip his hand into Gregor's larger one. ]

Nor are the dead supposed to come back to life. And yet here we are.

[vorbarra]

[ Gregor gives a purely mental and non-physical shiver, a pang of shame floating up reflexively, imagining his mother catching him like this... No, he can't go back to thinking that way. He's fought so hard to get to where he is, damn it. But there's no denying that his mother complicates things, dredges up all the shadows Gregor has fought back just to be with Miles.

For a few moments, he can afford to hold Miles's hand. ]

What am I supposed to do about this? [ he asks, helplessly. Abruptly his attention narrows, unfairly, on the most looming problem: Miles himself. Rather, their relationship. It's unfair because a man's reunion with his dead mother shouldn't be dominated by concerns like these; he should be able to be happy, overwhelmed. Instead... ]

I'm sorry, I don't know how I'm going to tell her. About anything, honestly. [ Not... just Miles, he realizes slowly. All of his mistakes. Learning about his father, hell, learning about his grandfather. How is he supposed to ask her anything, for fear of what she might say in response? Before this Gregor had only had speculation on so much of her life, but now he could know. The truth is what would cut him deepest. ]

[dendarii]

[ Miles can feel all that too - the shame, the shadows, everything. He's forced to fight down a small surge of shame himself. While Kareen hasn't said anything about his stature, he knows the look of someone who's quietly uncomfortable with Miles' entire existence. Even without Serg looming, Miles is this poor broken thing that surely Kareen couldn't possibly approve of ...

And Gregor is ashamed. God. The feeling sinks like a stone to the bottom of his soul. When he feels the moment has passed, he withdraws his hand again. ]

We don't have to tell her anything. About any of it.

[vorbarra]

[ When it's just Gregor alone feeling this way, he can mire himself in it, wade through all of the muck of his soul and wallow there. Inflicting it on Miles is another thing entirely.

Everything in him solidifies at once; he has one of those snap moments of clarity in which, previously at loose ends, questioning everything and full of self-doubt, the way forward becomes obvious to him. Not just obvious, but resolute. Gregor snatches Miles's hand back firmly, before he can fully withdraw it. ]

Yes, we do. [ His voice is quiet, but underlined with iron. ] I meant what I said when I said that I wouldn't hide you. We'll ask your mother. It's a damn huge favor to ask her, but she'll understand. Just... give me some time.

[dendarii]

[ He can't hide the small rush of relief that goes through him at that. Retaking Gregor's hand, squeezing it hard enough to make the bones in his hand hurt. But the relief is intermingled with no small amount of terror too. If they're not going to hide it, then the only alternative is Kareen finding out at some point. Even pushing this off onto Miles' mother he's not sure if he likes the idea. ]

What if I don't want her to find out? The very thought is terrifying, Gregor.

[vorbarra]

Terrified of judgement? I don't blame you. But... the only way out is through.

[ The relief he feels from Miles cements things for him. It is terrifying, and Gregor doesn't try to hide that from him; but he shares his determination with him, that steadfast center of himself that is forging him into an Emperor that doesn't flinch, that bears up under immense pressure. This is a personal sort of pressure, but the skills learned apply just the same.

Miles isn't the sort of person that's meant to hide, not to be the one doing the hiding or to be hidden. It would wear on him, Gregor is sure, erode him into a smaller being. Better to get this over with sooner rather than later, though not too soon. He's still reeling. ]

Maybe you won't understand this, but I don't want to be defined by my parents. Even my mother. [ Whom he does love, absolutely. ]

[dendarii]

[ Erode him down to nothing at all, given enough time. It's not a solution that's remotely healthy for him in the long run. But ... he is still afraid. Enough so that he leans on Gregor's solidity with a small flinch of guilt. Can they be firm for each other, then? Support each other in the way that the other lacks?

He takes a deep breath and swallows his anxieties for a moment. ]

Even so. It's not as though we have to jump to do it. She needs a moment not to be defined by you as well.

[vorbarra]

[ He sucks in a sharp breath at that. Oddly, that well-placed hit is bracing in just the right way. Gregor's danger is always getting too caught up in his own head. Remembering how much his mother needs him in return, how new and scary and liberating all this freedom will be for her, helps him reorient.

With one final squeeze, he slips his hand from his, since he has no way of knowing when Kareen will come back out. ]

God, you're right. You're very right. It's not all about us. And I'm certainly not in any rush, believe me.

[ A moment, before he says, soft as a feather, ] I won't abandon you no matter her reaction, if that's what you're afraid of. I swear.

[dendarii]

[ Good. The comment hits the mark he'd intended, then. Not to provoke guilt but rather a better sense of the larger picture. It also soothes his own terrors not to have to do this right now. Later, later. He can deal with it later.

For now, he takes a great deal of solace in Gregor's promise just now. As if he doubted that sentiment to begin with - hardly - but hearing it voice bandages a wound he hadn't realized was open and bleeding. If not for Kareen possibly being right there, he'd lean up and kiss Gregor for it. ]

I - was. A little, yes. It's not as though I think you'd do it. Merely that you ought to have your relationship with her uncomplicated by me.

[vorbarra]

[ With some sarcasm, sprung up from a deep current of bitterness on this topic, ] As opposed to complicated by my father, or Vordarian, or Barrayar itself, you mean? Or her death, or how she's missed twenty years of my life, and I never knew her? Don't worry, you're by no means an added burden.

[ He can certainly understand Miles needing to hear it said, to hold against his demons. ]

[dendarii]

[ Absolutely necessary, like every other bright ember he's held close to his heart in order to keep warm. This one burns him a bit, though, making him wince. ]

I didn't mean it quite like that. Only - only that with all the rest of that, you ought to have one good thing that isn't so terribly complicating.

[vorbarra]

Miles, you are horrifically, unrelentingly complicating.

[ But he says this with his voice suffused with fondness-- no, with love, no trace of regret or uncertainty at all, this declaration its own kind of steadying blow for him. Gregor reminding himself that not only is he not alone, but-- ]

You're worth every bit of it, to me.

[dendarii]

[ Soothed again, then, the burn fading to a more general (and much quieter) sense of guilt. One day he won't need to have his anxieties petted into submission all the time. That day may even come quickly. He's already falling into a quiet pattern of not being so frantically needy all the time. Just normal levels of codependency. ]

Well. In that case. I suppose your opinion is the one that matters the most.