etcelsior | FORCED HONESTY

What are you even talking about? There's no one else who makes me feel like I never left home. That's all you, Hazel. I feel like I've known you my whole life. It doesn't get better than that.

...I never said it wasn't dumb as shit.

[ugh, this honesty. she's glad she can at least choose when to keep her mouth shut, because otherwise? everything Josuke just said would have her gushing completely unprompted. bad enough that it feels like someone just dropped liquid metal in the cavity that used to house her stomach.]

I always feel like I'm not enough no matter what it's about. I'm just not used to it fucking mattering.

[which is, in her own oblique way, an admission that sometimes she wants to see him keep smiling more than she hates herself.]

It's not dumb.

You got no idea how much I wish I could introduce you to everyone back home. Or how much they'd love you as much as I do.

That's a nice thought, but I don't think anyone could love me as much as you do, Josuke.

I'm inclined to disagree. You're pretty lovable. Anyone tries to love you the way I do, though...there's gonna be trouble.

[Namely him acting like a huge baby about it.]

What're you gonna do, throw a tantrum on my living room floor?

...probably.

[Ugh.]

[UGLY LAUGHTER]

You're super lucky I think that's cute as fuck, I hope you know that.

How's that lucky!

Because it always makes me want to kiss you after.

O-oh. Yeah, okay. That's pretty lucky, then...

[AND AS IF THAT WASN'T MORTIFYING ENOUGH SHE JUST KEEPS TALKING]

Although...sometimes I kinda hope you actually deck a guy over me some day.

I already did.

Just not for this reason...

Who the fuck's dumb enough to get you to do that for any reason?

[Hazel is literally the worst catalyst for a fight she can possibly think of.]

It's not a question of dumb, shit just kind of...happened. And when I found out about it, I reacted.

I'm not actually proud of it. I mean, I'd do anything to defend you, but...

[He shrugs.]

Punching a friend in the face isn't something you boast about.

[she honestly can't think of any friend of Josuke's who'd be involved in anything with her that would get that reaction...and that's a little scary.

inexplicably she wants to apologize. but that's stupid and her self-hatred talking, and for once she manages to bite down on it before it gets past her lips.]

...it'll be somebody hitting on me next time, alright? You can talk that up for weeks after.

[part of her wants to ask who, why, how...but another part isn't sure she wants to know.]

[He'd rather she didn't ask who specifically, because he'd rather not have to tell her about hitting Kaneki. He meant it when he said he wasn't proud of how he'd reacted, even if it had been because of what had happened to her. There were better ways to handle things than violence, he's always maintained that...even if sometimes his emotions get the better of him and he lashes out.

Though, at least with Ken they'd talked things out afterwards. But that didn't erase that his initial response had been to throw a fist first and ask questions later.

Definitely not a shining moment.]

...hm, has there been anyone hitting on you I need to worry about?

[Apologies, girlfriendo. He has to change the subject, and this is the next best thing.]

You're never gonna need to worry about that. Buuut we can make someday up if you need an excuse to get jealous.

[she can't play along as well as she normally would because her this god damn honesty, but Hazel's happy to do her best for him. no one knows better about not wanting to discuss shameful moments than her.]

Yeah, except I worry about it anyways. Like, part of the reason I gave that Kongo guy [Kangmo!] such a hard time was 'cause I thought he had a thing for you.

I know that's not what it was now! But...

[Shrugs. He trusts her, that's not the concern here. It's that he knows she's amazing and that he expects other people can see that, too.]

[she still can't believe that one of the sleeziest people she's ever had the misfortune of knowing here is what got Josuke feeling threatened, even after all this time. there's a gap in her reply as she laughs a little, unable to hold it in.]

You are literally the only person who's ever been even remotely interested since the guy who iced me. Whatever the hell you think's so great about me, nobody else can see it.

[the mention of her killer has her wishing (not for the first time) for her filter back, but for once her mouth does her a solid. Hazel just keeps on talking, right into something better - and a million times more embarrassing.]

It's fine if you don't ever get over it, though. I think it's pretty hot.

FORCED HONESTY

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