CONFESSIONS MEME

[devoutish]

1. Post a comment with your character spilling their confessions and innermost thoughts for all to see
2. Go around and comment to other characters ICly, expressing shock, awe, disgust, anger, etc.
3. Discuss, accuse, commiserate, threadjack, etc.

Comments

[couldbebeautiful]

[full list of content warnings here. murder and suicide will be brought up I am so sorry.]

Three of my classmates died back home because of me. Technically, I didn't kill them and never meant to, but I'm still an accomplice in three murders because I helped cover them up as suicides.

...I feel terrible about them. But—not as terrible as I should be feeling. And that makes me feel worse.

I hallucinate my dead classmates regularly, and I'm trying to keep a lid on that, because I just want to be a normal kid. I mean, yeah, I've got superpowers now, but I'm seventeen.

My old best friend tried to commit suicide after I broke her heart and told her that I faked a love note she thought her crush wrote her. I—I miss her. And maybe without me around she's doing a lot better.

My other best friend was a huge bitch, but she didn't deserve to die. Neither did those two assholes. They were just kids.

My boyfriend's a murderer. The three classmates I talked about? That was him. But I loved him anyway, and I wish we'd met before the world ground him down and spat him out a monster because I would've liked to go to prom with him, instead of leaving him for dead on the floor of the boiler room.

...he tried to blow up my school once and pass it off as a mass suicide. I shot him in the stomach and dragged the bomb out to the football field, and then I ended up here. I think I'm dead, back home. I think everyone's better off back home.

I don't really like slushies that much. They were more my boyfriend's favorite drink. But sometimes when you just want to numb the pain for a little while, brain freeze is easier to hide.

[candor1]

This explains a lot.



[…but doesn't seem to affect his opinion of her.]

[couldbebeautiful]

That's it? [There's a wariness and a little bit of hope, in those two words.] I'm—I'm not a good person, Cassian.

[candor1]

You reacted worse than you'd have liked to situations you had never been prepared for, and didn't instigate.

Then learned from them, decided to put an end to it, and chose to sacrifice your love and your own life to save others.

It's too low a bar to surpass me, but I still wouldn't put you outside the top quadrant on the morality chart of all the beings I've met.

[couldbebeautiful]

The pranks were my idea—that was how they started out, anyway. I wanted revenge, but they didn't—I didn't want them dead. And I feel bad about that, I do, but somehow it's not as bad as it should be.

[She shakes her head.] And I don't think that's normal. I'm scared of what it might mean.

[candor1]

The one thing I've never seen on dozens of planets, hundreds of species, and two dimensions I'm aware of: is "normal".

I'm not making light of how you feel. Just… don't think you need to compare yourself to something that doesn't exist.

What were the pranks meant to be and how did they go wrong?

[couldbebeautiful]

Just—revenge pranks, y'know? I hocked up a globber in someone's hangover cure, but I swapped it out with drain cleaner by accident. And these two guys—they spread a rumor about me, so we decided to knock them unconscious and plant a suicide note.

[She shakes her head.] I didn't want them dead, just—wanted something to laugh about. [Who's laughing now?]

That's—weirdly comforting. Um. [A huff.] I mean, I guess you're right, how's anyone supposed to feel after becoming an accomplice to murder?

[pummelgranite]

Well bad news about being normal. Doesn't happen.

[couldbebeautiful]

Like I haven't noticed. But honestly, after—everything, I'll take even barely normal.

[pummelgranite]

Even that's going to fall apart.

[couldbebeautiful]

And you've got experience, is that it?

[pummelgranite]

Uh huh. With and without being a goddess. It always sucks.

[couldbebeautiful]

—was there a time when you weren't? [She finds that hard to believe.]

And hell, even if it does, shouldn't you just hold on to it for as long as you can? Because this is maybe the first time in months that I've felt close to how I used to be, before the murders.

[pale_blue_arrow]

...fuck, doll. I'm sorry. I - well, I can't vouch for you loving a guy who clearly needed help but. I'm probably an accomplice to murder, didn't really get to find out if anyone died, 's likely, though. I might be dead back home, too, I dunno. Internal bleeding is a helleva good indicator towards 'yes', though.

I'm not gonna lie and say you're blameless but you sure as all hell don't deserve hallucinations and that whole bit. You shouldn't be dealing with this on your own. I know you're probably hard up for funds like the rest of us but there's gotta be someone you can talk to. Shrinks exist for a reason, right?

[couldbebeautiful]

I loved him. Fuck, I think I still do. [She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.] Should we form a club? The "Technically, We're Dead" club.

Good, because I'm not. [A breath, and she shakes her head.] I deserve a lot worse than that.

[pale_blue_arrow]

An' I still love my ex after she turned into a heroin dealer. So all in all I guess we're even, or close enough, anyway.

C'mon. If I'm supposed to not die here for you, you can go get help for my sake, right? Don't torture yourself. Or let yourself be tortured, I guess, just. Just, if nothing else, let me help. I don't know how but I want to. You're not a saint but you're not Satan, either, dollface.

[couldbebeautiful]

I'd call it even. [His ex is a heroin dealer, and hers is a serial killer. They're two of a kind.

Her brow creases, and she lets out a breath.] You've got a point. I hate it, but you have a point. [Because she'd asked him not to die, because she'd said he was her friend and she meant it.] I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want them to think I was a terrible person. I didn't want you to think I was a terrible person. I am, but I'm trying not to be.

So far, I've only told Jyn, and she can read minds, so.

[pale_blue_arrow]

We don't have to be the people here we used to be. I don't think you're terrible. A little fucked up, but so am I. So stop being so damn hard on yourself, alright? It won't make things better. Trust me, it doesn't bring anybody back.

[couldbebeautiful]

I know it won't. I just—don't want to lose any more people.

[A breath. Then:] I'll stop being so hard on myself if you do.

[taraincognita]

Holy shit, dude. At least you didn't kill them yourself. But talk about high school drama. Makes me happier to not be going to school, you know?

[ she seems awfully blase about this whole thing. hallucinations? murder? eh. not really pinging her radar. ]

[couldbebeautiful]

Trust me, I wish it was just high school drama. [A tired sigh.] It started out as high school drama, anyway.

she is so bad at comfort

[taraincognita]

Sounds to me like it's all on your ex. Dudes can be awful, and stuff.

But, uh. Someone told methat this place is like a fresh start, so.

[khajidont]

You ever consider therapy?

Also, um, I'm hoping that's ex-boyfriend.

[couldbebeautiful]

Our guidance counselor was more interested in getting people to watch her experimental counseling bullshit on live TV than actually helping, so.

Yeah, he's my ex. I broke up with him before he tried to blow up my school, but—dammit, I still love him.

[khajidont]

Yeah. Yeah, sometimes you can't help the way you feel about some people who've done some, uh, pretty messed up things. But when I mentioned a therapist, I didn't actually mean the one back home. I meant one here.