CONFESSIONS MEME

[devoutish]

1. Post a comment with your character spilling their confessions and innermost thoughts for all to see
2. Go around and comment to other characters ICly, expressing shock, awe, disgust, anger, etc.
3. Discuss, accuse, commiserate, threadjack, etc.

Comments

[deadsmizing]

I'm not nearly as confident... as I like to seem. Honestly, I'm very depressed--in the clinical sense, I mean--and I hate myself quite a lot for how I keep failing and hurting people. So much that I've actually killed myself once already, and then I got to wake up and see the looks on my family's faces. The guilt of it tears me apart all... the time, and I'd do just about anything to take it back.

I try to remember that most of it is my brain chemistry's fault, not mine, but it doesn't really work. Maybe it wouldn't have gotten that bad if I had just been brave... enough to tell the people I love that I'm gay instead of pushing... them all away. I still haven't been able to tell a single person that since I died.

[pale_blue_arrow]

...I'm sorry. I got lucky; nobody seemed to give a shit I'm bi, 'cause I was low on the totem pole. It's bullshit that the world is broken enough that dying is easier than coming out sometimes. I wish I knew what to say. English Lit. quotes don't cover this sort of pain.

Maybe you could go see a shrink or something here? There's hovercars, there's gotta be some advancement in medicine or psych or something t' help.

[deadsmizing]

[Oh, you dear, sweet summer child.]

I was sick. It made telling people scarier than hiding it, and it made dying seem easier than what I... was going through because I decided to... hide.

I feel different now. Not better exactly, but more sure that I want to live, usually. Beyond that, I don't think there's much to be done. Medicine won't have any effect on me, and unless there's a zombie psychologist... around, who's going to have a clue what I've been through?

[pale_blue_arrow]

You didn't decide to hide, the world was cold enough hiding seemed like the best way to survive. There's a difference. Hiding implies some kind of cowardice which just isn't there in this case, doll. I'd tell you if I thought there was; honest to an asshole-ish fault, here.

There very well may be an undead psychologist here. Things're pretty unpredictable in these parts. An' you deserve to be able to feel better than barely not wanting to die.

[deadsmizing]

I'm not exactly an impartial judge of the things I deserve.

[pale_blue_arrow]

'M not, either, but I can still tell you deserved better than this shit.

Retrospectively, sorry for hitting on you. I'm that rare kind of bi without a gaydar installed.

[deadsmizing]

It's fine. I've accepted... that friendship and flirtation can look very similar on me, so I don't blame anyone for getting confused.

[pale_blue_arrow]

Still seems kind of wrong. I shouldn't assume everyone's straight.