TRUTH SERUM MEME

[continuousgroaning]

TRUTH SERUM MEME!

Step 1: Post with your character(s)
Step 2: Other characters come along and ask them questions. Anon is OK!
Step 3: Your character is obligated to answer truthfully.
Step 4: Discuss the answers ICly. HAVE FUN

Comments

[h2no]

Ap--

Andrew lost his life twice inside three months. Both times were because of me.

[it's true if that's what he believes, right?]

[heliophilic]

[M's eyes widen, and he opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. The fight computer, as usual, runs through its scenarios, not just on what he could say in response, but also how any of that could happen. With a bit of concentration, he manages to block it all out. This was something he wanted to deal with on his own.

He leans back and covers his face with his hands. Andrew... died? Twice? When? His boyfriend had said nothing about this... not a hint in his words, or his tone, or even his movements. M runs them all back in his mind, and they seem... normal. How...no...Why would he keep this from him?

Finding no answers running through that question the old-fashioned way, he moves onto the second part of that statement. That part where Archie considered himself responsible. While he doesn't claim to know Archie as well as he'd like--and now he knows why Archie's been keeping him at arm's length--he does know the other man well enough to know that he wouldn't go after Andrew under normal circumstances. Which leaves.. Well, at least now he's figured out one of the times Andrew died. It's... something. It doesn't help the swirl of emotions running through him fighting for dominance, but it's... something.

He finally opens his eyes and looks over in Archie's general direction. His expression is hard to pin down, as is his tone, though it's got more of a bite to it than it normally does.]

You need to get your shit together, Archie.

[h2no]

[he flinches when m speaks, like he's expecting to be punched through a wall or something.

fortunately, the words don't hit him as much as he expects. maybe it's because he's already spent ages blaming himself for what happened, being told to pull his finger out and stop getting people fucking killed doesn't come as any kind of a surprise.

unfortunately, what he's saying is still influenced by the stUPID TRUTH THING so he says more than he wanted to.] I know. I'm trying, but I know it's not enough. I'm sorry. I don't think I can be enough.

[heliophilic]

Andrew... isn't going to stop trying to save you. That's Andrew.

[His voice is still weirdly even, and seems to be looking at Archie somewhere over his shoulder.]

You're always going to be a walking disaster, but you can at least try and minimize what those disasters are.

[h2no]

...Do you want me to stay away from him?

[he kind of wants the answer to be yes.]

[heliophilic]

[M just. Stares.]

Yes, because I am a grown man who is going to prevent two other grown men from talking to each other.

No, I want you to man up and protect him the same way he's trying to protect you.

[h2no]

[it's a kneejerk reaction for him to figure dropping it all and staying away is the best thing, okay...]

That was me trying. That's what I mean.

[and he literally can't lie! so that makes him feel super cool about everything.]

I'm not gonna stop trying or be less than 100% all the time, but...

[refer back to: not good enough.]

[heliophilic]

[M sighs, trying to figure out the best way to say what he's feeling. Talking about his emotions is still a foreign concept to him, though he's at least attempting to get better at it.]

Have you talked to Andrew about this?

[h2no]

Yes.

[he shakes his head.]

His general reaction was that he didn't want to talk about it and that he didn't want me to tell you. He was the one that died, so I figured that his was the wishes to follow.

[he looks away, biting his lip. fucking truth serum making him--] Though the first time was-- didn't go well. We both died that time, but he doesn't know I did. I didn't tell him.

[heliophilic]

I meant about how you feel about it. Because I'm pretty sure that no matter how he feels about his own death [And that is a conversation for another man at another time.] he wouldn't appreciate you beating yourself up like this.

[M grows quiet again, staring off at nothing in particular.]

One of the things that I love the most about Andrew is how effortlessly selfless he is. He does what he does, again and again, because he wants to. If it's not you, it's someone else. He's never going to stop saving people. He wouldn't want you to blame yourself for something he finds so much fulfillment in.

[That said, he's sure Andrew has a lot of guilt on his side too, in not being able to save Archie like he wanted.]

And just before you go getting the wrong idea, yes, I'm pissed you both got together and decided to keep this from me because you both apparently thought I'd fly off the handle like a child. Apparently I have more respect for you two than you do for me.

[h2no]

I'm sorry.

[and it's genuine, of course it is. it couldn't not be if he wanted it to.]

I didn't know what I thought you'd do. I didn't think about you at all, which was fucked up. I just figured what Andrew wanted was the way to go.

[heliophilic]

[There's a small nod. Apology accepted.]

That's a conversation for me and Andrew. I think it's time you and Andrew had one of your own. A full one.