etcelsior | time to put your face on

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test drive

time to put your face on

T E S T D R I V E M E M E

Considering apping into MASK OR MENACE? Want to dip your toes into the setting and get a feel of whether your character will fit into it? Or maybe you're just cruising and want to play around? Then you've come to the right place!

Pick any of the following scenarios below or feel free to make up your own, but don't be afraid to throw yourself at someone else's thread, either!

And remember there's only one rule in Test Drive Meme Club: HAVE FUN ON THE TEST DRIVE MEME!

01.The city of Heropa is what one might expect from a small, bright and cheery place, where locals are friendly enough and local shop owners might offer a free drink to welcome you to their fair city.

The current craze sweeping the city and social media is getting people on their feet: the Camp Midnight Challenge! Based on a popular video game, the goal is to get the funkiest, silliest, most eye-catching dance sequence on video—with a twist! Successful completion of this challenge requires getting an imPort to join in a duo dance that incorporates their powers! Swarms of eager teens, tweens and would-be BlueTube stars are out and about on the sidewalk looking for newcomers to join in. If they spot you, you better come up with a good excuse or put your dancing shoes on!

02. De Chima, Virginia, is a large city with a healthy economy, with large numbers of citizens waiting to be awed by your very presence. Look at you! Organic wonder! Synthetic wonder! Whatever you might be, those words have meaning here. Science and technology are the lifeblood of this city, so you're likely to come across a good many locals taking your picture with the newest of devices or recently published PLoS papers. The imPort craze remains high here, and you may find yourself cornered by overzealous imPort fans, media wannabes and opportunists alike, shoving cameras in your face.

Today in De Chima, there's the unveiling of a brand new invention in the convention centre park! With a simple scan, it will print out your Closest Love Match of the other individuals present, along with your percentage of compatibility and a free coupon to get lunch with your new date if you match 90% or higher!

A little odd that it seems that nearly every couple has 90% or higher, isn't it? What's the probability that the scanner is broken?

03. Maurtia Falls, Pennsylvania has carried a reputation for ups and downs ever since imPorts began reappearing again, just those few years prior. Several imPort heroes have put focused efforts into cleaning up the streets of this somewhat infamous city, while a handful of others had swooped in to help the criminal industry thrive. More so here than the streets of any other imPort city, the battle between good and evil looks more like a war of escalation than a heroic tale. Everything from the classic bank heist to brutal bloodbaths can happen around the corner. You have to keep your eyes open and your mind sharp when you live in Maurtia Falls, and hostility against imPorts can spike. The emergence of locals with superpowers is hardly helping...

Local resistance to superheroes has made the city a popular gathering place for experimental engineers and scientists whose methods are misunderstood by the establishment, aka 'mad scientists.' Today, the latest creation of a former food scientist who used to work for Yell-O Desserts, is rising up in gooshy style!

From the canal that bisects the city rises a giant, gooshy, uh....thing. The blob slowly begins to ooze through town, growing larger as it consumes anything it comes across, absorbing it into its gooey depths. It's slow, but relentless, and doesn't have any obvious weak spots. Will you attempt to fight back and arrest its gelatinous progress, help the slow runners get away or make a break for it yourself? Or maybe see how good a dessert it makes?

04. Nonah, North Carolina, is the liveliest of all cities; loud, busy and there's always some kind of energy in the air that gets everyone buzzing with excitement.

This month there's the release of a hot new movie about imPorts themselves, though in order to evade copyright, it seems that the imPorts on screen are simply amalgamations of several different imPorts through the years instead of staying faithful to one true story. They've got everything! Action! Romance! Death! Desire. It's a whole load of hooey, in other words, but it's hooey with a big budget. What this means, however, is that even the newest imPorts are being roped into this red carpet affair. Even if they're simply passing by on the street, an eager reporter may well step up to you, saying, "Oh, are you an imPort? Please, you must come in! No, I insist!"

If you succumb to their pushy ways, you'll find yourself in a gala, likely unprepared and underdressed for the flash of the cameras and an endless torrent of questions about what you want to do here as an imPort, whether or not you feel you'll find love in this place, whether or not you fear an inevitable port-out (despite the fact that you may have just gotten here!) and will be plied with food and, if you're of age, with plenty of booze.

05. Jeopardy, Nevada by all rights shouldn't exist. A glowing neon city smack in the middle of the desert, the only reason it's still here is that the central nuclear power plant has tapped half a mile down into a subterranean lake for its water supply. So though the desert around it may be barren, the occupants of this small city are happily self sufficient. Those weird figures you see out of the corner of your eyes? Don't worry too much. Probably just weird radiation after effects. Jeopardy has a lot of those.

You're in luck! You're just in time for Jeopardy's traditional Valentine's Race!

The premise of the race is simple: hogtie your lover, throw them over your shoulder (or back, if needed), and carry them from the bank of the train station (it's actually not a train station, it's a non-functioning movie set that's been turned into a museum, but it's still called "the train station.") While the tradition says "lover," as long as the person you tie up has consented to it, it's allowed!

At the end of the race, the Mayor gives a short speech about love, and movies, and tradition. She's also baked thousands of Valentine's and heart-themed desserts for all participants and audience members! They just happen to all be... shaped like the actual heart organ, rather than the symbol.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ She'll have to look down with that piercing gaze, because the woman on the receiving end of it is a full head shorter than her — though she's similarly frowning and clearly just as displeased to be even remotely involved in any of this. In fact, she outright hates it, not in small part due to the fact that her real name is printed on that paper.

Andromache of Scythia, it says.

This woman — ornery, rude, and apparently bossy — puts her hand out pointedly. ]

Give it to me.

[ Takara, annoyed, prickly and apparently indifferent, shoved the paper into the woman's outstretched hand. ]

So much for fucking true love, [ She says, utterly cynically. ]

Look, I don't know shit about the Greek pantheon, so if you're one of them or one of the demigods or something just tell me now whether or not you're trying to destroy the world for no fucking reason, so I can get the whole fucking fight out of the way now.

[ That was the only thing she could think of, based on that name. She didn't recognise it, but she recognised the form.

She held her hand out, palm up, and crooked her fingers to beckon the woman to give her the other paper slip, the one that said, quite unhelpfully, simply "Takara Hurst". ]

[ To be fair, the name is very Greek. A bastardization of the name she was given in a language that nobody speaks anymore — and one she's kept after all these centuries. The truest name she has left. But she's no divine being, not even if the legends do speak of her, and she has no power she commands — not unless that flat stare and perpetual wryness count for anything.

She glances down at the paper in her hand one more time before passing it over. Her own little slip immediately gets torn into tiny, tiny pieces. ]

Don't get your panties in a fucking twist — I'm human. [ She brushes her hands off, letting the little scraps flutter away. ] And either way, you'd be really disappointed if you tried to kill me.

I'm generally pretty fucking disappointed when I have to try to kill anyone. [ Flatly. She takes her own name slip and shoves it into the breast pocket of her motorcycle jacket, her sharp eyes catching the tiny pieces of Andy's as they float to the ground. ]

Because it usually means they're doing something fucking stupid like trying to destroy the world or start Ragnarok or some shit.

[ Her gaze rises back up to Andy's, unblinking. ]

So, what, you just really hate being made to go on dates, or...?

[ To be fair, there would be a lot of things Andy hates if she had the energy for it — probably more things than she actually likes — but dates? Dates, she's ambivalent towards. When was the last time she even went on a date? Not in recent fucking memory, that's for sure. She's really not the dating type.

More importantly, it's hard to explain her reaction without getting into a lot of shit she doesn't want to get into. So. ]

I'm not out to start the apocalypse. I just don't go by that name anymore. [ She reaches into her back pocket for her pack of cigarettes, tapping one out before offering the pack to Takara. Dryly then: ] What's your fucking problem? You just go around trying to punch demigods?

Well that's fucking rude of them. What's your name, then?

[ She glances at the pack, and though she's been trying not to smoke so much, she reaches out and takes a cigarette, treating it like the peace offering it probably (maybe?) is.

She sighed. ]

Fucking feels like it, sometimes. But no. It just happens that almost every fucking demigod I meet is trying to end the world or change it or take it over or go back in fucking time to undo shit they can't and give a chaos god a huge opening to fuck over the rest of us in the meantime.

So, sorry.

[ She's still not used to casual introductions. It shows in the way she pauses, cagey as ever, deliberating the approximate truth of her name for a full second before she finally answers: ]

Andy.

[ Still not used to apologies either. She uses her vice as an excuse to look away, putting her pack back into her pocket and retrieving her lighter so she can lift the small flame to the cigarette at her lips. A few puffs, then she holds her light out for Takara. ]

And like I said, even if I was trying to end the world, murder probably wouldn't be your best bet for stopping me.

Andy. [ She repeats it, to burn it into her memory.

She waits while Andy lights her cigarette, then takes the lighter to do the same for herself. Her dark eyes glint gold in the flame, before she hands it back, taking a quick drag. ]

What, you got friends ready to literally drag your ass out of hell too? [ Hell, Du'at, same difference. ]

You just told me you were human.

Edited 2019-01-30 15:45 (UTC)

I am human. I was born just like everyone else. [ Surprisingly, the past several months have made this next part easier to say aloud than her own name: ] I just haven't died yet. For about 6,732 years. Give or take.

[ That could be a flex, but it comes out of her mouth as bland as anything. ]

Why, do you have friends ready to literally drag your ass out of hell? Because I'd be fucking pissed if someone came around and did that shit to me.

[ Takara blinked. ]

Uh, hate to tell you, but I don't think you are human. Even demigods rarely live past fucking forty. Mind you that's because we all tend to go fucking crazy or get killed, so who knows how long we'd last if people left us alone. But mortality is definitely a constant.

You sure you aren't a god or something and just don't know it?

[ She'd heard crazier things.

And she shrugged, frowning. ]

Yeah, well. I don't think it's exactly something to be happy about, but. Stakes are high and the dead don't like to stay dead.

But I mean. If you're that eager to visit, you could just go there. Pretty sure Anubis would even let you stay, long as you handed over your heart. [ A pause. ] And provided he didn't feed your heart to Ammut.

I'm pretty fucking sure if I could just go there, I would.

[ Though maybe that's not as true as it once was. There's too much here. Maybe there's too much back home too. It's easy to say you're ready to die when you've failed to actually die for a few millennia. But she wouldn't abandon Martin. Or Rex. She promised she wouldn't. And she doesn't want to. ]

I'm mortal. I'm going to die. I just haven't. Whoever the fuck is in charge of that shit is behind fucking schedule. So feel free to pass the message on to whatever higher powers still give a shit.

Spoilers, none of them give a shit. Not about us, anyway. [ She took another long drag on her cigarette. ]

Have you tried?

I don't mean like - trying to get yourself killed or whatever. I mean doing some Orpheus shit. There's ways of getting to the afterlife. A lot of them. I mean, depends a bit on which afterlife you're trying to get to, but. I've been to two of them, now. I should know. But between us, the Du'at is way better than whatever the fucking shit the Norse get.

[ There is, at that moment, a lot of thoughts going on behind Andy's deadpan stare. A large chunk of it is just processing — which is easier than it might have been six or seven months ago, now that she's living with the once-god Apollo and met gods and was briefly brainwashed into thinking she was a god — but in dwelling on that question, some part of her just violently recoils from the idea of any life after death.

That part doesn't want anything but rest. Peaceful, black oblivion. Nothingness.

Suddenly the subject prickles at her more than it did before. Maybe a little of it is some odd, misplaced jealousy. Must be nice to have died twice. Andy can hardly manage it once. ]

Listen — demigod, whatever you are — it's not your fucking problem. Or your fucking business. I don't need a preview of the real estate — I don't want to go anywhere after. And I'd half rather go on the stupid date than talk about how I can't fucking die.

Takara.

[ She raises her hands, which would look like submission and surrender if not for the look of utter defiance on her face. ]

You're the one who fucking brought it up. To what, brag that I couldn't kick your ass? When I'd already said I didn't want to?

Calm the hell down. Of course we don't have to fucking talk about it. Christ.

Please. I was saving you the fucking trouble.

[ Flatly, turning her head away to exhale smoke with an irritable little motion — ignoring the fact, of course, that she was the one that brought it up to start with. But hey, Andy's a moody bitch, and she's never tried to claim otherwise.

Nile would have liked Takara. Nile was always calling her the fuck out like this too. ]

I am calm. You're the one with that look on your face like you might change your mind about kicking my ass.

[ She stared angrily at Andy for a minute--

Two---

Then raised her hand to touch her own face. ]

Fuck. No. That's just my face. [ She lowered her hands and took another annoyed puff of her cigarette, eyes sliding away from Andy and a heat rising under her cheeks. ]

I'm told I have extreme resting bitch face.

[ Another awkward, frustrated pause, a puff of a cigarette, and then: ]

Well if we're not going to kill each other do you want to use this dumb fucking lunch coupon, or what.

[ Andy looks at Takara out of the corner of her eye — a skeptical sidelong glance. Her cigarette balances precariously between her lips as their turn down ever so slightly into a small frown. Sometimes all she wants to do is fight. She's mean and stubborn like that. But sometimes it all gets defused in an instant like this — and honestly, she's just too old and too tired to keep her teeth sunk in.

Finally, unreadably: ]

It's not a bad face. [ She plucks her cigarette from her mouth, tilting her head away to let the wisps of smoke escape. ] Let's go, before they find some other stupid ImPort shit to rope us all into.

[ The heat intensifies a little, her brows furrowing as she tries to decide if that was Andy making fun of her, or flirting with her, and can't actually come to the answer. So instead she just pulls out the coupon and looks down at the address before looking back up at the street. ]

Alright. Come on, then. It's a couple blocks away, looks like.

[ And without waiting to see if Andy is following, she starts striding off. Even walking a little distractedly, she still walks faster than she should - even with her long legs added into the equation. ]

[ She is following, though Takara's brisk pace is a slight inconvenience to her. Maybe it's just that she's fucking ancient, but Andy's gotten used to moving on her own schedule for anything that isn't work or an emergency — and she's pretty sure nobody will die if they don't absolutely book it to this restaurant, so. ]

What the fuck's the hurry, Legs. [ It's a dry little quip from slightly behind Takara. ] I'm half a foot shorter than you and about two hundred times older, so take it easy on me.

[ Takara pauses and frowns, glancing down at her legs. ]

Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I keep going faster than I mean to. It's like going through a second fucking puberty.

You don't look a day older than 5000. [ Dryly. She starts walking again, deliberately slower. ] Gonna have to start going to the gym.

I wouldn't say that. [ With equal dryness: ] View wasn't terrible.

[ Andy finally comes up alongside her, glancing at her out of the corner of her eye as she smokes and walks. With a lazy hand, she gestures vaguely at the legs in question. ]

What, like this is a new development for you or something?

[ She's flirting with her. She's flirting with her, right? That was definitely flirting. Her cheeks are a little warm and she just... ignores that entire segment of conversation. She'll process that later. ]

Uh - yeah. I thought I was just a normal human a few months ago. Kind of got thrown into the deep end with the demigod stuff. And I keep just - changing all the time. [ She sounds more disconcerted about that than very happy. ]

It's not like I try to do things - they just - happen.

[ Andy, for her part, doesn't at all seem inclined to clarify the intention behind her words. Hell, maybe she's interested — maybe she's just like that. She sure doesn't volunteer any explanation, and that impassive face doesn't give away much either. ]

Can't relate. [ A little shrug of her shoulders under her jacket. ] I haven't changed since the Bronze Age.

[ With another idle sidelong glance: ]

Seems like you could've done worse though.

I'd give just about anything not to know the things I know. [ She admitted, though her voice was tight and hard, caught in her throat. She cleared it, then looked a little sheepish. ]

Uh - the body's not bad, though, no. Not like I get to do anything fun with it, but. I guess now I'm on permanent vacation.

"Not bad."

[ Andy echoes her dryly, like she's tempted to ask aloud if Takara is joking — except she doesn't seem the type. Genuinely self-deprecating. With legs like that. Makes a person half-wonder what shaped her that way — but Andy doesn't pry as a rule, particularly not on a first date. ]

If you want to forget, you're doing it wrong. Less lunch, more whiskey. [ Then, casually as you fucking please: ] We could go and break in your new place.

time to put your face on

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