etcelsior | TEST DRIVE MEME: FEBRUARY 2021

TEST DRIVE MEME
MENACE WITH YOUR MASKS

01. Heropa, Florida

is what one might expect from a small, bright and cheery place, where locals are friendly enough and local shop owners might offer a free drink to welcome you to their fair city. Many of the locals might thank you for always lending your service to the nation and their local troubles, while others might not say anything -- but if you have something nasty to say, better not say anything at all, right? That's just the Heropan way.

But despite the relatively small size and mostly easy-going population, this here is not a city immune to the urbane ways of the world. And Heropa, like the rest of the world, adheres to the calendar of this universe. You, fine imPort, have just happened to land squarely on Valentine's... Week??

Oh! A Valentine's Day festival. The town square of Heropa has been decked out in an alarming number of hearts, with various booths and activities to partake of for an entire week (some of them only tentatively tied to a holiday based around all kinds of love, work with them here please). Hit up kissing booths, eat rose candy and anything and everything chocolate-covered, commission artisans to make beautiful Valentine cards or deliver embarrassingly hideous singing telegrams to friends and lovers, go wild. The centerpiece of the celebration, however?

Locals and tourist natives alike will conspire to cajole you into dancing your toes off at the V-Day Sock Hop. And, oh, you don't feel like dancing? Then BEWARE of anyone spritzing a sweet-smelling pink perfume at you -- someone's dredged up a lasting vestige from the crumbled HEAVEN SCENT corporation, still on the market, and it will compel you to dance. Even if it's for a few minutes, you'll be pulling your shoes off and electric sliding your way across the dance floor.. It's nothing personal, the locals just want you to feel like you belong.

Happy Valentine's Day!

02. De Chima, Virginia

is a large city with a healthy economy, with large numbers of citizens waiting to be awed by your very presence. Science and technology are the lifeblood of this city, so you're likely to come across a good many locals taking your picture with the newest of devices. The imPort craze remains high here, and you may find yourself cornered by overzealous imPort fans, media wannabes and opportunists alike, shoving cameras in your face.

In spite of the media crush, De Chima is usually a pretty safe place. But not today. Today, someone has released a few dozen small, giggling ~~and mildly creepy~~ Cupid robots into the city, and the place is in chaos. Some shops are closed up early because though these little creatures don't have bullets, they do have quivers full of heart-tipped arrows, and they're out in force, in the name of... Love?

Those still willing to risk the mild weather and mischievous cherubs might find themselves getting stuck by an arrow, a relatively painless experience with some potentially interesting, on-theme side effects! You might have an immediate crush on the next person you see, profess feelings for someone you secretly admire, or just plain feel like being extra cuddly for the day.

Still, some may feel nothing. That sucks. At least, the effects seem to end at sundown.

Luckily, the mayor in her wisdom is giving out nets to any imPort who wants to help round up the trouble makers. And, in the spirit of the city, she's offering the imPort that catches the most Cupid 'Bots a free Valentine's Day dinner for two at the Marquis de Salade - De Chima's brand new, five star restaurant.

03. Maurtia Falls, Pennsylvania

has had its ups and downs since imPorts started disappearing. More so here than the streets of any other imPort city, the battle between good and evil looks more like a war of escalation than a heroic tale.

Of course there's more to the city than its seedy side! Maurtia Falls boasts a world class performing arts district that attracts the best of the best from around the globe... and more recently, the attentions of a costumed terror known by the press as the Phantom of the Flopera.

Reports suggest the Phantom may be nothing more than an out of work actor broken into a life of Z-list villainy by the weight of one too many negative reviews, but with a number of prominent arts critics having disappeared lately, various patrons of the arts have been making impassioned pleas to the imPort community for assistance.

Curtain raises at 6pm. Perhaps you can foil the Phantom before he strikes again?

04. Nonah, North Carolina

is the liveliest of all cities; loud, busy and there's always some kind of energy in the air that gets everyone buzzing with excitement.

This month there's the release of a hot new movie about imPorts themselves, though in order to evade copyright, it seems that the imPorts on screen are simply amalgamations of several different imPorts through the years instead of staying faithful to one true story... or is it part of the strange state of flux reality seems caught in lately? In any case, this blockbuster is crammed full of everything: action, romance, death and desire, and all of it all at once! It's a whole load of hooey, in other words, but it's hooey with a big budget. What this means, however, is that even the newest imPorts are being roped into this red carpet affair. Even if they're simply passing by on the street, an eager reporter may well step up to you, saying, "Oh, are you an imPort? Please, you must come in! No, I insist!"

If you succumb to their pushy ways, you'll find yourself in a gala, likely unprepared and underdressed for the flash of the cameras and an endless torrent of questions about what you want to do here as an imPort, whether or not you feel you'll find love in this place, if you fear being 'ported out, have any thoughts on the causes of the recent Porter malfuction or messages for your fans (even if you've just gotten here!). Well. At least you'll be plied with all the fancy fingerfood you can stomach and, if you're of age, plenty of booze?

05. Jeopardy, Nevada

by all rights shouldn't exist. A glowing neon city smack in the middle of the desert, the only reason it's still here is that the central nuclear power plant has tapped half a mile down into a subterranean lake for its water supply. So though the desert around it may be barren, the occupants of this small city are happily self sufficient. Those weird figures you see out of the corner of your eyes? Don't worry too much. Probably just weird radiation after effects. Jeopardy has a lot of those.

Very oddly, Jeopardy is currently covered in a thick, fluffy blanket of snow— which has caught even those proud to call the weirdest city in America home by surprise. Is it a freak weather event, the work of a mischevious imPort or a sign that the end is nigh? Nobody seems sure... but whether the snowfall is here by omen or accident, they're determined to make the most of it.

Having declared its first ever snow day, the entire population seems to have turned out for a city-wide snowball fight. Roads are blocked by hastily constructed snow forts. Vendors set up on the sidewalks. Would you like some cozy mittens? A beautiful woolen bobble hat with a festive spider pompom on top? An... umbrella? Perhaps some shaved ice or a hot cup of lightly spiced apple cider as provided for free by enthusiastic members of the Church of the Ancient Webmistress?

The Great Weaver will be waking from her long dreaming sleep soon, of course, and the world will be renewed— or so the spider scriptures say...