HE TOLD ME SEVERAL TIMES THAT HE DIDN'T LIKE MY KIND

[maskormods]

TEST DRIVE MEME

Considering apping into MASK OR MENACE? Want to dip your toes into the setting and get a feel of whether your character will fit into it? Or maybe you're just cruising and want to play around? Then you've come to the right place!

Pick any of the following scenarios below or feel free to make up your own, but don't be afraid to throw yourself at someone else's thread, either!

And remember to have fun!

01. The city of Heropa is what one might expect from a small, bright and cheery place, where locals are friendly enough and local shop owners might offer a free drink to welcome you to their fair city. Some of the locals might thank you for always lending your service to the nation and others might not say anything. In fact, some people might back away from any imPort who quite obviously looks like they aren't from around the neighborhood. Once in a while there's a look of disdain on someone's face and hushed voices.

An upset, deeply masculine voice wonders aloud: "More of them, when we already know they can't protect us? That's just painting a bigger target on the city's back!"

"That's just what Ronald Chump says!" Exclaims a young woman. She raises her fist in anger at the imPort-hating individual. "We're not going to tolerate bigots here!"

02. De Chima, Virginia, is a large city with a healthy economy, and though it's quieter, there are just as many citizens awed at your presence. Science and technology are the lifeblood of this city, so you're likely to come across a good many locals taking your picture with the newest of devices. Be forewarned: since FanPort happened, imPort fandom is at a new height. Don't be surprised if people start following you just to see if you'll do anything TMZ-worthy.

The trick is to stay calm, and don't wig out if someone asks what you think about imPort shipping.

03. Maurtia Falls, Pennsylvania, is having a rainy day. The streets seem to be running with water, the sky can't seem to stop crying. You might want to check out some consumerism-inclined shelter, be that a smoky and dart-eyed bar full of grumbling locals, or a grimy and industrial coffee shop (full of grumbling locals). Watch your step, newly minted imPort, because if you let on that you're fresh meat then you're likely to attract a posse of two or three sharp knuckled no-good-dooers. This is the criminally exciting part of town, so beware.

04. Nonah, North Carolina, is the liveliest of all cities; loud, busy and there's some kind of energy in the air that gets everyone buzzing with excitement. There's a baseball game going on in one of the parks amidst all those tall buildings, and you're welcome to watch! It's not an official game in the season, it's more like a friendly skirmish between local baseball teams. Midway through the game, the umpire might take note of you new imPorts -- assuming you're standing out in the crowd. He'll welcome you to throw a pitch if you'd like! Of course, the opposing team isn't too keen on the idea. Better look for more imPorts to play ball!

Comments

[watch_me_burn]

[Kareen steps over the threshold after Miles, taking the invitation inside with grace. It's only a second later, when her eyes fall on Gregor that her world comes to a complete stop. His clothes don't bother her, and her robe and nothing else is also forgotten in this moment.

Her first reaction is to shut down while her mind whirls, her own expression blanking much like the man's before her. Cold shoots through her for one terrifying second. Serg. But no, this man is different, just quite similar to her late husband. It's his voice that truly sets the two apart, and that word she longed to hear...

Shaking, she takes a step forward and the little shoe, once held like the most precious talisman falls to the floor from nerveless fingers. She tries to speak but a muted sound is all that she can muster as she continued to approach.

This young man isn't what she remembered but she had been told he would be older. She just hasn't been able to conceive the idea that her tiny son could be an adult. And yet here he was. Even with things so strange she knew it was true. This was her son. Her Gregor.

She was close enough to touch him now, and she reached out a trembling hand, her fingertips finding his cheek with a gentle caress. That physical connection broke the mask she wore and her eyes flooded with tears, her throat constricted. But this time she managed to speak, if hoarsely.] Gregor... You've grown up.

[dendarii]

[ Nothing's on fire yet. Good. Miles finds himself unwilling to leave the room - and Gregor - while this is going on, so he decides to forget grabbing a spare set of Cordelia's clothes for now. Instead, he moves to stand at Gregor's side. Close but not touching, just far enough back to give them both space ... while simultaneously providing backup, physically and mentally. He keeps his side of the link open but not intrusive. A warm lantern at Gregor's side.

As such, he says nothing for now. Just watches the two of them quietly. ]

[vorbarra]

[ For this first moment, Gregor barely notices Miles except as an abstract awareness of his existence by his side. But it seems to fit reality, slot neatly into his understanding of the world (Miles is with him) and his-- mother-- his mother doesn't at all. She may as well be a dream.

He has no idea what it is she drops to the floor; his eyes are as riveted on her face as hers are on his. Gregor has seen pictures of her, but in pictures Kareen Vorbarra is always serene, the epitome of a future Empress. He knows they no more tell the story of who she is or how she is in life than his own official portraits do. Seeing her now is an opportunity he'd never thought he'd have. Even knowing that Miles's parents are from just past her death... Somehow, Gregor had never imagined his mother showing up. His father-- in a nightmare, maybe.

But his mother has always been a dream to him, of warmth and safety, an so less real. The dream is standing in front of him.

His earlier inner question about whether he can just hug her immediately absolves into action without him quite processing it: Gregor folds forward and tucks her against him, for once less so they can hide their emotional reactions and more just to cling to her. It's disorienting at first since he's taller than her, but some far-flung part of his brain recalls how it feels to be hugged by his mother and it flares to life, as breakable and precious as spun glass. ]

I survived everything, [ he finds himself saying, knowing what she's really getting at about his age. His voice is hoarse. ] The Vorkosigans saw me safe through everything, I swear. I'm Emperor now.

[watch_me_burn]

[Miles doesn't even register; he may as well be a coat rack as far as Kareen is concerned. As impossible as it seems she has reached her son, but found he's already aged past the days he would need her protection and guidance. But knowing he's safe, healthy, alive... that was most important to her.

She slips into his embrace without hesitation, and in that moment she returns to being his mother, hands gentle as they caress down his back. Soothing and safe.

She whispers back to him, unable to reach a normal tone just yet.] Your grandfather was right to rely on Lord and Lady Vorkosigan. I knew whomever he chose I would trust, but Cordelia and Lord Vorkosigan... After knowing they kept you safe, I could not have found them wanting in any regard concerning you.

[She's quiet a moment, then pulls back slightly, just slightly, to search his face again with glistening eyes.]

... I missed it, didn't I? I... [died.]

[vorbarra]

[ Oh, God. Why does Gregor need to be the one to tell her this? He's not sure he's ever fully faced up to the reality of her death himself, the magnitude of that loss to him. His grandfather had been an abstract loss, one he'd never really known; his father a loss of opportunity at first, when he'd still thought him a war hero, and then a darker, keener loss of something that had never been accessible to him in the first place.

But his mother... was something Gregor had once had.

He swallows hard, something in his face cracking. ] Mother, I... I don't want to answer that. [ Coward. He's such a coward. But he can't, not without shutting down. He still has a vague memory of the time surrounding her funeral, a blur of grayness that extended for days, weeks, no one realizing how little he was talking... ]

[watch_me_burn]

[Oh no. She hadn't meant to cause him pain but there was little excuse. She was fresh from the moment, still somewhat in shock over what happened and without any time after to parse how she felt on the matter. Gregor, on the other hand, had years, two decades to feel the weight of that loss and the proof was in front of her now.

His tone is enough to clue her in that she misspoke, but the way his expression changed, even ever so slightly, it was enough. She reached up and cupped his face in her hands.]

Forgive me, my son. We don't have to talk about it or anything else. [And maybe after this moment he wouldn't want to see her again, either. That would break her heart, but just knowing he had gotten to live his life and grow to adulthood, that he hadn't died at such a tender age, frightened and alone, that would be enough for her.]

[vorbarra]

[ So immediately understanding. Gregor hadn't remembered this part of her. Hell, what does he remember? He's managed to mostly put away his longing to know his parents (learning about Serg had been like having that desire shot in the gut, an excruciating and slow death) but now he's suddenly greedy to know everything, to learn what he can about her before she disappears again.

Gregor doesn't hug her again, but his hands find her arms just above the elbow, and clasps there tightly, earnestly, as he gazes down at her. For the first time he takes her in in detail, rather than being overwhelmed by the magnitude of her presence. ]

... What are you wearing? You must have just arrived. I'm-- I'm sure Cordelia won't mind lending you something. You're safe here, completely safe.

[ Well, not completely, but not in any immediate danger. Complications can come later. Gregor is belatedly aware that he's fumbling this, possibly embarrassing himself, but he's caught so flat-footed he can't quite recover, a boat rocking in rough water.

He remembers Miles is there and glances over at him, says quietly, ] Miles, would you mind... [ Retrieving something. Clothes. ]

[dendarii]

[ Miles immediately snaps to attention. He'd been in kind of a haze the whole time, watching the reunion and feeling Gregor's emotions over the link. Beyond quiet himself in return, not wanting to intrude ... Now there's a faint spark of relief. He'll stand here as long as Gregor wants - and will return promptly, that's for sure - but he's grateful to be able to do something. ]

Right. I'll be back in a few minutes.

[ With that, he darts upstairs to Cordelia's room. ]

[watch_me_burn]

[Kareen looks down at her robe and a sick feeling swirls through her stomach. Ah. Right. Her son really shouldn't see her like this, but there was no helping it now. She just nods, grateful that Cordelia seems to live in the same spaces as the boys. That's lucky for sure.

As Miles runs off Kareen tears her eyes away from Gergor long enough to watch his small form retreat. Her voice is soft and there is sympathy in her eyes.] So... He really is Lord and Lady Vorkosigan's son. [It's a statement. She can't deny the truth her own heart knows. But it is a shame his treatments were not fully effective. All she can think is how his parents must have been so upset when they learned he wouldn't be normal.]

[vorbarra]

[ Gregor couldn't care less how she looks or what she's wearing as long as he gets to see her, but he feels on her behalf, can guess that she's no less habituated to always appearing composed and put together in public no matter what crisis she's enduring, same as him.

He can also guess what lies behind this statement, but is just glad she seems sympathetic and not scornful. Gregor doesn't know what he'd do if he learned his mother bought into that particular nasty habit of Barrayaran mothers. He's learned enough shockingly awful things about his parents to last his whole life. ]

He is, [ Gregor confirms, still framing her with his arms. ] And he is completely loyal to me. All of the Barrayarans here are. [ Coming from the time of Vordarian's Pretendership makes him think she wouldn't take that as a given at all, but then, Gregor really doesn't know what sort of relationship his mother had had with Miles's parents at that time... He's never asked. It seemed it would invite too much cutting at his own flesh to hear of it, when he could only know secondhand. ]

[watch_me_burn]

[Kareen wouldn't say she's immune to their world's prejudices, but she can't find it in her to judge the Vorkosigans' son too harshly. He brought her to Gregor after all. She wasn't yet sure what she made of Miles on a personal level.

Hearing her son was surrounded by trustworthy folk filled her with such relief she physically sagged against him, her forehead pressed to Gregor's shoulder. A light, breathy laugh escaped her.] Nothing could make me happier than to hear you hold strong loyal bonds.

[Loyalty was worth more than gold. It was safety and life and peace. Any Vorbarra would know the truth of that.

She tilted her head up after giving herself a moment to collect her thoughts.] ... How many Barrayarans are here?

[vorbarra]

[ So he hadn't been misplaced to think that that would be valuable news to her. Everything about him softens at her evident relief, and he finds himself immensely reluctant, almost incapable, of moving away. ]

There's Miles, his parents, our cousin Ivan Vorpatril, [ with a jolt he realizes the our here includes his mother, and has to force himself on with anything resembling smoothness, ] and Duv Galeni, an ImpSec captain. The Vorkosigans have taken another imPort as Armswoman as well, under the circumstances.

[ Gregor finds himself taking refuge in these factual accountings. The emotional side of this is one he isn't ready to face-- but will he ever be ready to face it, truly? Perhaps he'll just have to be confronted with it, with the inevitability of the tide... But for now it's sensible that she needs to be informed of the practicalities. All of this must be enough of a rush for her without adding emotional reaction on top of it.

Gregor is already realizing that his mother might be like him in that respect, saving feeling for later, in absolute safety and privacy. It's... comforting, somehow, to have that familiarity. Usually he is alone in that. ]

[watch_me_burn]

[She nods a few times, and her eyes alight with surprise at the name Vorpatril. Ivan, was it? She had missed so much...] That's lovely to hear. Ah, but should I know a Captain Galeni?

[She was usually good with names and faces; it came with the territory of learning to be a good hostess and figurehead. Just another responsibility she had to take on as Princess. Galeni, however, was not a name she had ever encountered.]

I should like to meet with everyone soon, though perhaps not until I've had a little time to collect myself. I fear I was not in the best state of mind when I arrived. [More like she was an absolute wreck but that was so unbecoming! Honestly she hoped her frantic search for the memory of her child son would never be shared with Gregor. What would he think of that?]

[vorbarra]

No, he's from past even my time, the furthest ahead of all of us.

[ Gregor wouldn't think anything of it but that his poor mother deserves for once in her life to be better treated. He resolves to start that now. This isn't as much of a vacation for himself as he'd first thought, but it's still something of a one, and it absolutely can be for her even moreso than him. ]

Take all the time you need, [ he says firmly, though still in his soft tones. Gregor is habitually a quiet person, but with his mother he's not sure his voice will ever reach a higher register than this, simply out of suppressed emotion and deference (and a lurking, throat-clenching reluctance to seem at all like his father). ]

We've an extra room here you may use until you recover enough to seek your assigned housing. Please stay as long as you like. [ There's some element of subtle plea to that, Gregor having a hard time stepping away translating directly into having a hard time letting her out of his sight at all. At the same time, he feels unnerved, almost unstrung-- what does he do with her? How does he act? And, God, worst of all, how can he possibly be open about Miles with her...

No, that's one thing Gregor can't think about and have any hope of acting the dutiful, put together, unhaunted son. ]

[watch_me_burn]

[A man even further in the future than hers and Cordelia's sons? That was a whole extra degree of separation that Kareen could not fathom in this highly charged moment. She could just accept the information with a nod.

She reaches up and brushes fingertips through his hair; it has the exact same texture as she remembered, though the length was different now than when he had been five years old.]

Are you certain? A young man needs his space.

[The offer was very tempting. She didn't want to overstay her welcome should she bring them all unpleasant memories, however.]

[vorbarra]

[ Bringing unpleasant memories is not at all wrong, but having her in the house or out of it wouldn't make a difference in that. Gregor belatedly realizes that it means he and Miles will have to hide in a way they aren't used to, at least while she's here, and yet...

He can't bring himself to detach. They'll manage. He'll-- he'll figure it out, they'll deal with the complications of this later, he just can't let her go. Not with her fingers through his hair like that, a disorienting moment to see her reaching up for it...

Softly, ] I'll have time enough for space later. Here, the extra room is this way. Miles should be back with clothes for you soon.

[ Gregor directs her by the elbow with extreme gentleness, little more than a light application of his fingertips. He leads her down the first floor hallway, past a closed door and to a second one. ]

When you're ready, I'll explain everything I can.

[dendarii]

[ Sensing his cue, Miles choose this moment to return with a small stack of clothing. Good clothing, but well-used enough that his mother won't miss it. He holds the pile out ahead of him so that Kareen can take it, if she likes.

His support for Gregor over the link remains stalwart, if increasingly uneasy. He's thought through the possibility of having to tell Kareen about them, and finds it completely terrifying ... Her staying is undoubtedly going to mean he can't do anything for a little while. (A bit of selfishness he tucks well out of the way.) ]

I hope these will fit all right.

[watch_me_burn]

[Her son had grown up into such a fine gentleman since she'd been gone. It was almost harder to take than him growing up into a typical Vor class playboy. Knowing he had matured into such a kind man, one with a soft voice and touch, made her want to weep tears of joy and relief. But again, that wasn't something she could indulge in openly. She merely nodded, allowing herself to be towed along. She hoped when she next spoke she would have the thickness in her throat controlled.

Upon Miles returning and holding Cordelia's clothing out to her (clothes that would surely be too big but she wasn't picky in the least right now) Kareen abruptly realized her hands were empty. Startled by this revelation, she glanced back down the hallway they had traveled and then back to Miles.]

... I dropped something. Something important. [Or was it important still? Kareen couldn't decide just yet if she was ready to lose that last thread she had connecting her to her own reality. It was much too soon.

But for now she took the clothing Miles offered her.] Thank you. And I must thank you mother and father as well. They have both done me such a great kindness. I certainly can never repay them justly.

[vorbarra]

[ Gregor can't blame Miles for feeling so uneasy, although he's only abstractly, distantly aware of it. He feels distinctly unmoored himself, adrift as he grasps for any kind of handle on reality, which seems to have turned itself on its head sometime in the past twenty minutes.

He looks belatedly back toward the front door, having missed what she'd dropped completely. ] It's all right; the Vorkosigans can add it to their already infinite debt of credit with the Imperium. [ This sounds like it should be a joke, but Gregor still isn't up to that; instead it's soft-voiced as ever, too achingly sincere to be humorous. ]

Please take your time. We'll retrieve what you lost.

[ Frankly, he needs a moment to look at Miles in absolute stunned bewilderment. ]

[dendarii]

[ Miles, in turn, dips his head. He can sense Gregor's unsteady foundations, oh yes. In that instant he feels a little spike of guilt - pure selfishness is all he can think of, isn't it? Right. He marshals himself, then, and plants himself firmly. He will be a rock for Gregor in turn if that's what's needed. ]

I think you can help pay us back by taking a moment to get yourself to rights. [ Also quiet, gentle. ] We'll get something arranged for dinner too.

[watch_me_burn]

[Infinite indeed. There was no limit to what Kareen owed them herself, let alone what the Imperium has asked for them across all those years. She nods, sensing the gravity of her son's words. No jokes here. As for his offer to retrieve the lost shoe, she could only turn her eyes down and mutter a soft Thank you.

As for Miles, Kareen was struck again at how perfectly well-mannered and diligent he seemed. Perhaps an unfair assessment, given she was pitting it at odds with her first impression of a visibly broken, bent individual; her obvious bias made the least of his efforts seem greater than they probably were. However, he was a Vorkosigan, and that in itself meant he deserved a great deal of her respect.]

I appreciate your help, and thank you both for your patience. I [just the slightest fluttered of her breath and lowering of her tone] would certainly benefit from a quiet moment. And I do hope, perhaps, Lord and Lady Vorkosigan might join us for dinner?

[It was only polite to ask after them, but Kareen also sincerely hoped they would be in attendance. Remaining with only these two young men, one she could hardly fathom and one she didn't know at all, was beyond daunting. She needed a familiar foundation to latch onto if she was going to survive the night.]

[vorbarra]

Ah-- yes, of course. I don't think we could keep them away. [ Gregor is having his own hesitation, a sudden surreal disorientation centered around how very normal her question would be at home in the Residence and how very out of place it is here. Life is so radically different, and seeing his mother displaced out of time and Vorbarr Sultana has hammered it home more than ever before.

He feels like he's dreaming. Is this shock? Gregor's not sure he'd recognize shock if he did have it.

God, he needs to... Have his own quiet moment. Yes. Belatedly, again, before she slips into the room with the clothes and closes the door, he says, ] Take your time.

[ Is he repeating himself? He must sound completely asinine. What does his mother think of him? What will she think of him? Gregor is internally swinging like a wild pendulum between overjoyed and increasingly nauseous. ]

[dendarii]

Reconvene at dinner, then.

[ Miles adds with firm gentleness. Before he goes a bit mad with worry and the feeling of Gregor reeling in the back of his head. Onward to the next moment, and on from there, until you're through ... He can sit down and fuss about the details later. ]

Come on, Gregor. Let's give your mother some space.

[ Said as much for Kareen's benefit as Gregor's. Everyone involved needs a moment, it seems. ]

[vorbarra]

[ Gregor drifts away from the closed door and back toward the living room, where he stands with his eyes closed for a long moment, trying to wrestle himself under control. Outwardly, he's almost statuesque; Miles, of course, gets an inside pass to see how much Gregor's fighting with himself to suppress his monolith of feelings.

Finally he opens his eyes again on an exhale. ]

Miles, I am awake, aren't I.

[ Not quite a question. ]

[dendarii]

[ Miles, meanwhile, is surprisingly quiet in turn. Listening mentally rather than broadcasting for once in his life. He doesn't stir until Gregor finally says something. ]

... Yes. I see her too, even. So if you're crazy, so am I.