tl;dr meme

[glassinine]

Vilkommen, Herren und Damen, to the...



~TL;DR MEME~

Fucking magnets, how does this work?
Step 1: Post a list of your characters.
Step 2: Sit and twirl your moustaches until other people post their characters, then go and ask them questions about their folks. It can be anything, from "So how deep DO Tony Stark's daddy issues run?" (Answer: "they swim amongst giant squid and anglerfish and the trench the kaiju came out of") to "Tell me your least favorite thing about the DC canon" (Answer: "Holy shit are there some cockmongling dingleberries running that company").
Step 3: Other people will ask YOU questions. You go and answer those questions, and be polite - ask THEM a question in return after you're done answering it! (So, it's not just "Nick Burkhardt decided to become a cop when he heard about police brutality and wanted to get in on that" but also you follow up with "What magnificent auroch did Loki hunt to get those beautiful horns?") Then when THEY answer their question, they'll ask YOU a question! ("They came from being cuckolded in Shakespearean times. What are Nick Burkhardt's favorite sunglasses?") And the you ask THEM A QUESTION AGAIN! And they ask YOU! And you ask THEM!! And they ask YOU!!!! So that it's a great big patty-cake of QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS!!!
Step 4: Repeat ad infinitum until we break the motherfucking internet

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Comments

[infomodder]

OH MY GOD I've never played them I've just seen people RP them and clips and stuff I didn't know there weren't any juries my bad!!! But come on, would it really be interesting if it was like court rooms in reality? Can you imagine playing a game where multiple cases have the person who did the crime just confess, and it's a "minor" or like regular crime, so you're just hitting buttons to keep the story going but it's super boring. That's no fun. Plus that crazy hair Phoenix has there's no way that's okay for the courtroom that is so distracting. Is that how he wins cases, people forget what they're going to say because his crazy hair is mesmerizing and confusing?

Okay so book!Will actually ends up noping out of the whole business and getting married to a woman named Molly who has a kid oddly enough named Willy (iirc he's Will's stepson) who he seems to treat pretty good! There's an incident at his house with a serial killer who talked to Hannibal in prison (what) and he almost kills Willy but Will turns this guy's trauma onto him so he attacks Will instead. Movie!Will ends up getting shot by Dolarhyde, book!Will ends up getting stabbed in the face and disfigured. Molly steps in and shoots Dolarhyde cuz nobody's fucking with her traumatized family or their dogs or all the mirrors he broke in their house, that's rude. Lecter writes him a letter from prison talking about how he hopes he isn't too ugly and something about, "do you dream much, Will? I think of you often. Your friend, Hannibal Lecter." EVEN THOUGH HE SENT DOLARHYDE TO HIS HOUSE because that's friendship. I'm really hoping if the show continues for the full run Will does the same and nopes the hell out of it never to really be referenced again because holy shit everything is awful who can work in this same field after this, right? Obviously the other Wills aren't the same but I think NBC!Will would be a damn good dad once he ever gets the chance (if he does) and he gets far enough away from all the murder business. Also the guy has like 400 dogs that kid will never starve for affection or have to worry about being kidnapped there are monster dogs who will take care of that kid he will be set for life. He actually says in season 2 he thinks he'd be a good dad and like...his mom left when he was young so all he had was his dad and he probably learned a lot about how much a single poor person has to work to keep their child fed/clothed and while he'd spend more money on his kid than his dad ever could he'd instill the basics of moderation, like you have to work for things. And he'd be pretty compassionate, I feel, since he can understand crazy murderers. I figure he could understand his kid's feelings about normal kid things even if he didn't experience all of them himself.

So okay, his dad was killed. Was the jerk who killed him ever caught? If not, is Edgeworth kind of working to put ALL THE BAD GUYS behind bars with that in mind, maybe thinking one day they'll stumble upon the killer? Does he ever have issues where like...he wonders if his dad would be proud of a move he made in court, or ashamed of him for losing a case, or does he think that his dad would offer advice/support/comfort if he lost a particularly big case that left everything in tatters? Like...use the memory of his father to think, "okay I really screwed the pooch on this one but I'll learn from it because Dad would do the same and use it next time" sort of thing. TELL ME ABOUT YO DADDY ISSUES EDGEWORTH

[glassinine]

Man my heart is like breaking at the thought of Highly Empathetic Will just getting his kid and totally being the best father because he just gets it

Willfred :(

Anyway okay fucking...brace yourself for my absurd fucking canon incoming

So, Edgeworth's father was a man named Gregory Edgeworth, whom young Miles absolutely idolized - and with good reason, since Gregory is basically just a clone of Atticus Finch plopped down into a bright flashy video game. He was a good man and a good lawyer, but in a game where everyone's a fucking asshole you don't get to be a good man and a good lawyer without making a few enemies; one of Gregory's most enduring was a man named Manfred von Karma, a prosecutor who was less handsome than Gregory so you know he was the evil one.

Anyway, one day, Miles comes to watch Gregory in court. Gregory loses because von Karma was cheating, but Gregory gets von Karma in big trouble for it, then Gregory and Miles get into an elevator and a huge earthquake hits and collapses like half the building and traps the two of them and a bailiff in the elevator. They're trapped for hours, the bailiff finally snaps and tries to murder Gregory, little Miles picks up the bailiff's fallen gun and can't bring himself to actually shoot the guy strangling his dad but just throws the gun at them, the gun goes off, everyone passes out(?), when everyone wakes up Gregory has been shot in the heart and is dead. The bailiff gets arrested for the murder, cause they're squeamish about arresting a kid or something and the legal system there jfc, but Miles believes in his heart of hearts that he killed his dad when the gun went off. (There's also a lot of nonsense about spirit mediums going on here. Christ, that just complicates things.)

Anyway this is a long fucking preamble to of fucking course it was Gregory's rival Manfred von Karma, and it is also a fairly important preamble because von Karma is important because he went on to fucking adopt Miles. See, when Miles threw the gun, von Karma was just outside the elevator, so the bullet that discharged went through von Karma's shoulder; von Karma then, mad with pain and rage, used that gun to murder Gregory. And then von Karma decided that he was so filled with hatred for this child who had dared to accidentally injure him (as well as such malice towards the Edgeworth family) that he was going to adopt this small lonely child to shape him into something that would bring his father deep shame before finally having him killed.

So, that's like seventy percent of Edgeworth's daddy issues right there. Von Karma shaped Edgeworth into this rotten, nasty, angry young man who was driven by a desire for revenge against all criminals everywhere. Once Edgeworth started practicing as a prosecutor von Karma put him into positions where he'd convict innocent people; he made sure Edgeworth knew he wasn't worth shit unless all criminals were convicted; hell, he even fostered Edgeworth's belief that he killed his dad and, combined with that inculcated philosophy that all criminals must suffer, basically made him into this spiraling self-destructive wreck...all before framing Edgeworth for a murder he didn't commit just to make sure that he went down in history as this disgraced, sad, wretched thing and so that the Edgeworth name was truly tarnished.

Of course, the attempt to frame Edgeworth ended up with von Karma being caught and the full truth coming out, because Phoenix Wright mesmerized everyone with his magnificent hair. And so Edgeworth's daddy issues have consisted of just...recovering from that. It's been ten years since he went through that whole ordeal, and since then he's done a lot of good in the world; he went on a journey of self-discovery that led him to really understand what the point of being a prosecutor was, and he helped his friend Phoenix through some darker times, and he rededicated himself not to finding revenge, but to finding the truth. So he's more at peace with himself now. But he knows he has bloody hands, because he almost certainly got innocent people executed for the crimes he had them convicted of, and he knows that he grew up under the tutelage of someone who made him into someone bad. So even though he still loves his father powerfully, and even though he hopes his dad wouldn't hate him, he's so afraid that he would. And his dad was such a great man and a great attorney that he knows he can never measure up. So his dad is an inspiration to him, but also a source of deep sorrow - because he just fears that he'll never be as good as Dad.

HAHAHA WOW SORRY OKAY

Let me ask you in return! How are Will's feelings towards his own dad?

[infomodder]

So if daddio is a clone of Atticus Finch, is that why he's named Gregory? Because, you know, Gregory Peck and all. Is that the thing did I get it do I win my court case. And Jesus, that sounds awful. Except Phoenix's hair winning, that sounds pretty hardcore.

NO DON'T BE SORRY THIS IS FUN

So Will's mom noped out when he was young. He doesn't say how young so there's room for fudging there, but I've always played it as pretty young, like before a year or around a year. He talks to Hannibal (what a trustworthy guy) about how he grew up with his dad and his dad worked in boatyards, so they had to move a lot. They were also pretty poor, and he was a kid before iPads and shit like that so if he had to go to the boatyard after school and finished his homework it was probably like...sit around and play with a block of wood or something. I mean he could follow his dad around sometimes but there's crap you have to do with boats that you can't have people around if they don't know what they're doing, especially not kids. Long hours with physical labor probably tired him the fuck out but eventually Will had to realize that his dad wasn't ignoring him or neglecting him or working so much to "get away" from him. His dad was doing this so they could have a roof over their head and food and clothes and stuff. I'd assume that at some point there was a blowout about "why did Mom leave" with a bunch of hurtful questions (had his dad cheated on her, abused her, something, did he do something and never tell Will) and maybe a thrown in, like, "did you ever think she left because of you, Will?" if it got too heated. And he had to move around a lot to the point where he was always "the new boy" at school (can you imagine moving schools just after people stop making Graham cracker jokes and going to a new one and it starts all over again? Hannibal didn't drive him crazy, that did lbr) which was difficult and because his dad had to follow where the work was. He was pretty much alone, for the most part, because why try to make friends (lol Will making friends) if you're just going to move in a year? No IM or email or anything, maybe even no phone if they were poor enough...kind of a forced isolation in the name of being able to have the basic life necessities.

But! Will's a fisherman and spends spare time playing with boat motors and stuff so no matter what happened I'm sure they had time when he got older for his dad to teach Will the trade, so to speak. He's never mentioned again or appears, so who knows what happened to him. Oh, his son's in prison? Sorry, he's got a tour boat to fix. Though I do love the idea of his dad's coworkers swearing all the time while this like 8 year old kid is trying to learn basic math so his vocabulary is enormously filthy just because of the good ol' boys or whatever. And the idea of his dad finding him at, like, 11 years old drinking coffee that's so cheap it's the color of crude oil and might actually be crude oil for real. HE DIDN'T GROW UP AROUND OTHER KIDS AS MUCH AS HE GREW UP AROUND GUYS WHO PLAYED WITH BOATS don't tell me Will doesn't prefer coffee so crappy and black you could strip paint off a wall with it. And his dad just shrugged because creamer costs extra money yeah Will creamer is for suckers you should really just eat the coffee grinds too it's the same thing. In regards to that I figure that if Will ever had a moment of DAD HATES ME THO at work there'd be at least one dude who's like no Will excuse let me tell you a thing—so there were probably some boat people in his life who kind of helped steer (wheel? paddle?) him in the direction of making it easier to accept that Dad doesn't hate him and he didn't have to DO anything to his mom to make her leave, she just left at an earlier age. Some other voices and growing up could have been what it took for him to realize people just leave sometimes you don't have to do anything they just make choice, and he'd get that earlier than...maybe a lot of other kids who wouldn't get that sort of thing. Yes.

Edgeworth's pet preferences? Doesn't have to be cat vs. dog, that's limited thinking. Any sort of pet, what would he have if he could? And if it's something tame (dog, cat, horse, whatever), what exotic pet would he have? Don't get a spider Miles it'll get lost in that cravat

[glassinine]

Ugh I just want my heart to grow arms so that it can hug little Will ugh

Anyway yes well done you do win your court case the prize is
a graham cracker

Anyway pets! Edgeworth is very much a dog person - he semi-canonically has a dog named Pess with whom he holds lengthy conversations because he feels awkward and uncomfortable talking to people. He loves dogs so much. I imagine he likes cats just fine as well, but he's probably allergic to cats because he's allergic to like everything.

If he were to have an exotic pet, though...hm man that's a good question. I have to imagine he'd have something like a snake - not that he has any particular affinity for snakes, but just because he would like something so prone to snuggling in for warmth. (Even if it is just for the warmth, and not for the affection.) Either that or he'd go full drama and have a falcon or something, because that is the sort of absurdity he doesn't even think twice about.

If Will could do his life so far over again, what would he change?

[infomodder]

uhm miles if they stop being assholes to each other for like 5 seconds will would give him a dog look they flock to him just take the dog love the dog cry into its fur it won't judge you. snakes are hella cool if you get a good one. but when your python gets as big as your leg it's time to move on that thing will kill you please no. THE FALCON BETTER HAVE A BIRD CRAVAT I S2G

he'd do over being born

j/k

WELP. He could do over going back into the field but that would mean no Abigail being alive aha...haha...oh Abigail. When season 2 had no deets about it I was just playing it like Will knew Hannibal was the Ripper (for real how does a guy do all those murders Will was accused of without having some experience) and played it like Will wouldn't say anything because that would PUT A LOT OF PEOPLE IN DANGER IF HE STARTED SCREAMING ABOUT EVIL HANNIBAL WOULDN'T IT? I'm pretty sure he didn't count on him being so thorough. And maybe counted on the FBI doing a full search and finding something. But then you have to take into account that Will at the moment looked completely insane and a murderer so them not doing a full investigation because that crazy ass cannibalistic murderer was the one tossing the accusations at this upstanding wow great man Hannibal Lecter. I don't know how else he would have done it but imo it seemed like a balls to the walls stupid ass move to start shouting about how Hannibal was this evil dude because look where that got all the minor characters and the major ones. Where did it get them? In huge trouble.

The horrible thing about Hannibal is even though he's like super obsessed with Will? No matter what, there's nothing he could do to save anyone. He could have cried and gotten on his knees and begged and stuff and bought into woobie fandom Will every time he visited and maybe Hannibal wouldn't have killed someone for like a few days...prolonged a life, but if Hannibal really wanted to do something, he'd do it anyway. This is how you friendship. So he probably wonders if he did make the right choice immediately turning on Hannibal, and who wouldn't have suffered if he hadn't been so quick to say it was Hannibal blah blah. He's probably also regretting falling to the floor and not shooting Hannibal anyway. This is on Hannibal, though. Nothing he could do would stop him and he's not the one who screwed everything up ever. Tossing around blame sort of takes away from how horrible Hannibal is. "So and so wouldn't have gotten screwed over if you hadn't said the thing" NO SO AND SO GOT SCREWED OVER BECAUSE OF HANNIBAL BEING A DBAG, NOT WILL. It's a matter of recognizing that nothing he did or didn't do would have been enough in the end, because Hannibal is Hannibal and ain't nothing going to stop that crazy mofo. Not that Will is blameless in everything (he's not at all he's done shitty things and his own immoral actions have causes people off-screen a shitton of pain) but, in the end, Hannibal's the one who led to the deaths and misery and torment and etc.

Once that's all realized I think the only real regret that relates to the situation would be not killing him when he had the chance, in the last episode of season 1 and another episode I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE SEEN ALL OF IT honestly Will probably wanted to kill him all the episodes this season but couldn't. Pretty sure he wanted to throw him in his own fireplace at two points because shut up Hannibal. Just stop talking. And maybe he should have pissed on him in the broken pony home, too. I think I had a few texts like JUST PEE ON HIM JUST DO IT WAIT NO AO3 WOULD EXPLODE DON'T DO IT. I really wanted him to tell Hannibal to "shut up" at one point just to see his reaction to such rudeness from his bff how you dare

Situation: it's Edgeworth outside a court room after a case and it turns into a Law and Order episode where someone really angry the criminal got away shows up and shoots them. Only this time, they shoot the criminal (who got off but everyone knows they're guilty) AND the victim. Panic ensues with people trying to get the shooter and Edgeworth magically knows CPR or something run with me here. Both criminal and victim need immediate help he can provide and no one else can (they're all running in fear or something). If he picks one, though, the other has to die because no one else is there to help. So. Does he pick criminal or victim? The crime can be anything, minor to major. Either way, criminal's been legally declared innocent. Who does he choose, why, and does he feel regret for it? Whoever he picks lives in this scenario. Go go.