TFLN: MOM EDITION (pt. II)

[bragnificent]

you know what to do!

Comments

reggie mantle | riverdale

[bragnificent]

1. can I get my morals surgically removed?
2. i need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
3. this whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
4. I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
5. ( text him! )

2

[grandtheftequine]

bullshit
anything can be solved by a blowjob

2

[areou]

are you sure

2

[confiscated]

but I thought that's how you solved everything

1

[eloquentness]

absolutely not
your conscience exists for a reason!!

haru okumura | persona 5

[girlybruiser]

1. I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
2. he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
3. I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
4. Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
5. TEXT HER!

4

[glowsferatu]

Thou wanted the beach brought home
In my possession was a shovel
And so it went

derek hale | teen wolf

[calloused]

1. I feel like my life has just been one 22 year long episode of "I shouldn't be alive".
2. You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in its mouth? You did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night.
3. I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him.
4. Why am I in a dog kennel?
?. tttttext him

4

[bragnificent]

do u not already sleep in one?

odin | fire emblem

[shadowglitter]

1. Well, he told me I'd never be a real wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
2. Too bad my picture didn't come through. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
3. I think I broke a hole in your wall trying to do backflips.
4. I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
?. t-t-t-t-t-t-text him [bass drop]

4

[viciousmaukery]

fuck yes

Logan Delos | Westworld

[grandtheftequine]

(001): as much as i enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, i'll have to pass.
(002): mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". and i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, i don't even remember your name right now"
(003): i bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder
(004): i'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." but i'm on my way now. with coke. and weed.
(005): text him!

2

[subroutined]

Well... In her defense, that is a bit rude.

leia organa | star wars

[articulations]

i. He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to

ii. So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?

iii. I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?

iv. I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present

v. ( text her )

iii.

[therewillbeorder]

I really hope you meant this text for someone else and that you are not in the bathroom.

ANDY | the old guard

[killtime]

1. i mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally... i wouldn't call that a relationship.
2. this is gonna be a long day for my vagina and i
3. if this first date goes well and i like him, i won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, i'll sleep with him.
4. what the fuck happened to the tacos
5. (text ya local garbage immortal!)

3

[grandtheftequine]

so what part of doing coke off cassidy's thigh behind a mcdonalds are you qualifying as "not going well"

tate langdon | american horror story

[confiscated]

1. any suggestions on how to give yourself stitches or is this something i should be bribing you into helping me w/?

2. at this rate I'll be going in to work tomorrow wasted af

3. there might be some blood in your car. dw about it

4. I'm serious about that offer. if you want them dead, I got you.

5. I need to strike a bargain with you about something. quickly.

1

[calloused]

Whaaat.
If I'd known you were willing to bribe me, I wouldn't have stitched you up for free last time.

nathan drake | uncharted

[bookkeeper]

1) i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
2) Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
3) Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
4) I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
5) We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
6 ( text him )

4

[killtime]

hope ur asshole regens as well as the rest of u

nico minoru | mcu

[sanguinespell]

1. careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me
2. yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. i look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
3. ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt
4. just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
5. hurry there's a dancing lesbian. she's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
6. [ text her! ]

1.

[bragnificent]

all good things in life are a slippery slope of some kind nico
or just slippery, period

cassandra cain | dc comics

[cassassin]

1. no awkward lesbian experiences without me
2. sitting in the car eating a bagel. watching a girl do tai chi in the parking lot. my morning is fabulous
3. i don't know how i do it. i'm not even cool. i'm not even the hero gotham deserves. i'm barely high. my hands are swelling. want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
4. she asked me why i was wearing a batman suit. have i ever needed a reason to wear a batman suit?
5. i would punch a child for taco bell
6. [ text her! ]

Cayde-6 | Destiny

[lootsnshoots]

1. I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen

2. They left me at home... I'm a liability

3. In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP

4. two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.

3

[killtime]

eh
ive survived worse

red action | ok ko

[huetrooper]

1. i'm having a low day. about to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
2. dude. zebras have bad attitudes.
3. every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
4. [text her]

3

[glowsferatu]

sorry whats the problem

Momo Yaoyorozu | My Hero Academia

[recommendations]

1. You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
   
2. You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
   
3. When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
   
4. I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
   
5. TEXT HER
   

1

[lesterzeppelin]

Uh-huh. Thank the power of social media.
I don't even have to be there in person to ruin a night anymore B)

Ash Starmer | Black Mirror

[subroutined]

1. We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
   
2. I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
   
3. If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
   
4. If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
   
5. TEXT HIM

Commander Akobi | Star Wars (Legends)

[ralltiir]

1. We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
   
2. I doubt the Empire would support fake nipples.
   
3. Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
   
4. You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
   
5. TEXT HIM

3

[flightforfreedom]

i'm not sure if i should be proud or insulted right now

TK-622 | Star Wars (Legends)

[loyal_soldier]

1. Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
2. You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
3. I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
4. You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
5. You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
6. TEXT HIM

so many of these are good but 5

[ralltiir]

Was the lake at least frozen?

Darth Jadus | Star Wars: The Old Republic

[jadus]

1. I will come over but only if I don't have to take my mask off for it
2. I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend.
3. I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
4. He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
5. i permit you to call me
6. I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
7. The porch is breathing.
8. TEXT HIM

Lucien Lachance | The Elder Scrolls

[applewatcher]

1. Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
2. Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
3. I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
4. you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
5. When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits.
6. TEXT HIM

1

[extremeteenbible]

right, right. no murder til after you have your fun

Poe Dameron | Star Wars

[flightforfreedom]

1. passive mediator is your role in this relationship. my role is dick punching arsonist

2. well, i can't relate. i have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. or have self-control in general.

3. should i text him? life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.

4. when i tried to give you a hickey you karate chopped me in the neck.

5. we should hang out soon. i'm in the mood to get arrested again.

6. text him

1

[bespin]

So it's my job to hold you back when dicks don't need punching?

Or setting on fire?