Taako (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shittywizard) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
etcelsior2017-11-10 04:46 pm
shittywizard) wrote in etcelsior2017-11-10 04:46 pm
Entry tags:
a. I'm drunk. I apologize for that last sentence. I can't keep up with your drinking skills.
b. Is this a bruise or a hickey? [ picture is attached]
c. This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
d. This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
b. Is this a bruise or a hickey? [ picture is attached]
c. This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
d. This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Edited 2017-11-11 01:02 (UTC)
(001): I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
(002): I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
(003): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
(002): I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
(003): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
1. I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar.
2. why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
3. the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
4. Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
2. why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
3. the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
4. Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Edited 2017-11-11 01:09 (UTC)
1. Well, he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
2. Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
3. Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares.
4. He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember.
5. I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands.
2. Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
3. Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares.
4. He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember.
5. I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands.
1. Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
2. Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
3. Couch. On fire.
4. He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to move he reins me back in. Needless to say I could be here a while.
5. Text him!
2. Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
3. Couch. On fire.
4. He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to move he reins me back in. Needless to say I could be here a while.
5. Text him!
a. you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
b. playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
c. At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
[uhhh text him?? how does this work,]
b. playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
c. At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
[uhhh text him?? how does this work,]
Edited 2017-11-11 01:15 (UTC)
it wasa good party
- 1. I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me.
2. IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
3. I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
4. I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
01. Seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
02. No.
03. I've been tazing him to increase his resistance.
02. No.
03. I've been tazing him to increase his resistance.
a. My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
b.I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
c.im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
[OR TEXT THE DISASTER 8/10 he's drunk anyway]
b.I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
c.im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
[OR TEXT THE DISASTER 8/10 he's drunk anyway]
1. You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
2. Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
3. I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
4. Couch. On fire.
5. text it
2. Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
3. I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
4. Couch. On fire.
5. text it
1.) Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing the street...
2.) I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
3.) So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
4.) The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in the carefree area of my 20s
5.) I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
2.) I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
3.) So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
4.) The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in the carefree area of my 20s
5.) I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
1. guess who's now on the no-fly list? if you guessed me, you'd be right.
2. I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
3. im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
4. When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
2. I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
3. im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
4. When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Edited 2017-11-11 01:31 (UTC)
still not as bad for motion sickness as the trunk tho
(001): I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
(002): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
(003): For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
(002): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
(003): For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
1. Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
2. There's still flour on my lekku. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened in front of my house.
3. You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
4. It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
[ Alternatively, text her ]
Edited 2017-11-11 01:35 (UTC)
(001): Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos
(002): Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
(003): I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
(002): Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
(003): I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
» 1 | I was doing good, then they gave me free shots.
» 2 | I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
» 3 | P.S: There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
» 4 | apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day".
» 5 | or text her!
» 2 | I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
» 3 | P.S: There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
» 4 | apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day".
» 5 | or text her!
a.I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
b.wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
c.Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
[or text him]
b.wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
c.Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
[or text him]
1. Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
2. I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladdin.
3. I've decided to take your threat against my life as you flirting.
4. I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
2. I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladdin.
3. I've decided to take your threat against my life as you flirting.
4. I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
1. When you come fetch me from jail, please have rum on hand. Many thanks, mate.
2. Can I just lay in bed and you pour rum through a funnel in my mouth? I think you could.
3. ...why is it the only time I get called "captain" is when some bloke confuses me for "Captain Morgan"? This insult lingers deep.
4. All you men are all alike! Where's me gun---
TEXT HIM.
2. Can I just lay in bed and you pour rum through a funnel in my mouth? I think you could.
3. ...why is it the only time I get called "captain" is when some bloke confuses me for "Captain Morgan"? This insult lingers deep.
4. All you men are all alike! Where's me gun---
TEXT HIM.
Edited 2017-11-11 01:47 (UTC)
think you sent this to the wrong person
also it's the middle of the day bringing you rum doesn't sound like a good idea
also it's the middle of the day bringing you rum doesn't sound like a good idea
1> This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
2> It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
3> i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket.
2> It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
3> i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket.
a. how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
b. i just woke up to three voicemails from you. in the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. in the second you did bird calls. in the third you were hysterically crying. have fun last night?
c. being the adderall dealer on campus at nonah high, i feel responsible for everyone graduating.
d. Or text him!
b. i just woke up to three voicemails from you. in the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. in the second you did bird calls. in the third you were hysterically crying. have fun last night?
c. being the adderall dealer on campus at nonah high, i feel responsible for everyone graduating.
d. Or text him!
You tell them you're putting a tracker on their personal belongings for their safety.
1. i googled "i don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula" at 9 am this morning, but i'm still here. uvula and all.
2. i'm bi. congratulations to whoever had november 2017 in their pool.
3. i just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. can i call u?
4. i thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. this cabin party is going to be fucked
5. all I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
6. he tried going down on me while we were watching land before time
7. JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN
8. dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed
2. i'm bi. congratulations to whoever had november 2017 in their pool.
3. i just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. can i call u?
4. i thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. this cabin party is going to be fucked
5. all I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
6. he tried going down on me while we were watching land before time
7. JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN
8. dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed
a. I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room.
b. did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
c. she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
d. I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
e. You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
f. awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
g. Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
OR send her a text!
Edited 2017-11-11 01:56 (UTC)
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