tfln: mom edition

[sewoften]

✂ post a comment for your character(s) ✂ include one or more texts from last night, or invent your own! ✂ comment around to others having received or sent them a text from last night ✂ laugh ✂ cry ✂ probably don't laugh-cry ✂ enjoy

Comments

April Ludgate

[aggressiveapathy]

1) Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.

2) So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.

3)sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?

4) Or text her

3

[sewoften]

Did "shower" not work?

[infomodder]

1) I agree and I would be an awesome dog

2) He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.

3) Got into the wrong car by mistake. There was a Rottweiler in it. Now there isn't.

3

[databoner]

What did you do to it.

[databoner]

1. I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now

2. At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.

3. It tasted disgusting. But I pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol.

3

[sewoften]

By which you mean mostly "in the name of free alcohol."

[ das bad science bra ]

shiro iori

[sewoften]

1. I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keeping on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.

2. No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags.

3. Text him.

1

[databoner]

It seems like you did the latter two. There is tape, and there is stitches.

[trickstar]

1. This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up.

2. No, it's ok. He's Italian. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.

3. This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.

4. The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age.

4 OF COURSE

[hoboagogo]

wait whats wrong with cowboy boots

[112ounces]

1. No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.

2. i ate 112 ounces of pudding I can eat your freaking cake.

3. I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.

or text him!

2

[glowsferatu]

this is that very important moment where a distinct line should be drawn between capability and discretion

[bodyshots]

A. Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.

B. Can't feel body but making pizza rolls

C. Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone.

D. Text her!

3

[databoner]

Really?

[deadtective]

1. Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.

2. I woke up on the side of the highway to the people in orange jumpsuits cleaning for comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more...finding a dead body or me not being dead.

3. Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.

4. My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.

or text her!

3

[sewoften]

Who gave you my number and can you punch them for me after this is taken care of?

[whathawksdo]

1. so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral.

2. i don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.

3. i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened.

1

[lyingheart]

Does that grant me license to beat them off or can I just call it a license to grief-kill?

hiccup ☁ that dragon guy

[flightsuit]

1   Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
2   Apparently, I knew my leg was on fire and just kept dancing.
3   ( text him )

[sewoften]

That's also known as relativity.

christ i love this hideous meme

[hoboagogo]

A. this pizza tastes like mashed potatoes
i am high as shit

B. I missed class because I got too caught up in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. some of the positions they do are outrageous.

C. i'm like 90 percent sure i bathed myself with dog shampoo last night

D just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel like i'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.

OTHER: [WILD CARD- text him whatever!]

D

[sewoften]

Do I even know you?

Caesar Zeppeli

[glampop]

1. No memory loss, but I'm unhappy with my memories

2. I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door

3. Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?

3

[lyingheart]

Probably? As long as you don't kiss and tell who even cares?

[lyingheart]

1 | No subtext here. People are naked.

2 | Is there a way to sugar-coat "she's in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?

3 | I'll have to explain it to you tonight when I call drunk. It will sound better that way.

2

[hoboagogo]

say theyre currently incapacitated
then act like autocorrect fucked it up
and you meant incarcerated

[fistofthejoestar]

1. I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.

2. I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible twenty-eight year old please.

3. Just when I thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog.

4. The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.

or text him!

1

[lyingheart]

I'm guessing I wasn't who you meant to send this too either, but either way, send me the address.

[bassriff]

1. No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your stuff.

2. I'm not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.

3. I see my marianne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo

that was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo to More Than A Feeling

4. Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.

or wildcard option! text her.

3

[resipiscent]

That was spot on. You are truly a musical genius.

Barnaby Brooks Jr.

[attainment]

1. You left me a drunk voicemail describing your pizza to me at 2 AM.

2. I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl. You said it's fine, you do this all the time.

3. He blacked out and wouldn't drink anything unless we funneled it, so I made him funnel water.

4. You're the only person I know who needed stitches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you an adult? How.

4

[hoboagogo]

because this place is stupid and thought i needed the chance
will you please pick me up they won't gimme any painkillers unless i have a ride

[lackey]

1. Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.

2. U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint

3. They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods

1

[deadtective]

I wasn't asleep.

[glowsferatu]

( 1 )
having difficulty determining whether this outfit makes me look like a pirate
similar difficulties determining whether I care if it does

( 2 )
I just fell down my stairs
i suppose this is how sunday has decided to proceed

( 3 )
Exactly
Who needs doctors when vodka and hot knives are present

( 4 )
Welcome to the club for "Sick of cleaning up actual shit"
We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month
Bring your ceremonial prostheticly-horned norsemen helm

3

[sewoften]

Probably people who are less okay with living the absurd.

[bindsthedead]

1) 30% sure we just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
2) On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be?
3) That reminds me...we need to get swords
4) Or text her.

1

[glowsferatu]

be warned
one cat is a gateway to another
should you fail to put your foot down after the second you will find yourself laden with a dozen before youve realized it

Jesse Pinkman

[hostage]

1 ) Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.

2 ) It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel misled.

3 ) I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.

4 ) TEXT HIM!

1

[hoboagogo]

no problem man
aint my business what the hell youre doing in there
sorry i didnt highfive you back there though
you were naked high as fuck and covered in cake batter

Akihiko Sanada

[ktfod]

1. Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.

2. I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.

3. It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt.

2.

[hoboagogo]

were you expecting them to hold a vote to rate your dick pics or something

Hisoka

[debauchewy]

1. would it b inappropriate 2 send a friend request 2 the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night? ♣

2. the look of disappointment from my cat while i take nudes... ♠

3. he didnt have much of a personality. but i had like 100 orgasms, so thats cool. ♥

4. when ur trying 2 sneak from the bathroom 2 ur room w/ a dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly ur entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick. ♠

» ken amada

[orangehoodie]

1. sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm

2. I hate your face

3. I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.

4. I'm on that like soy sauce on rice

2.

[hoboagogo]

okay thats legit but
like is this new or do you only hate my face now
?

Jonathan Crane

[restingstitchface]

1) It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free.

2) Just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. Creepy or strategic?

3) Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity.

4) I wish facebook had a fuck off button.

1

[extirpations]

I applaud you on finally getting rid of that excess baggage. What took so long?

Kotetsu T. Kaburagi

[earnedmystripes]

{ 1 }

they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. the paramedic high fived them too

{ 2 }

winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito

{ 3 }

woke up in only a glued-on tiger tail
they used super glue

{ 4 }

after the fireworks it all went to shit
do you know why I woke up with a road sign?

{ 5 }

also i know you probably did not understand anything i said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending


or text him!

3

[resipiscent]

No ears? For shame.

[Cuz then they'd probably have to cut them out of his hair and how hilarious would that be.]